Good luck with dating.
I hope when you have read this you aren’t feeling downtrodden, guilty or lonely anymore just because some asshole mucked things up in your past.
You’re better than that so do don’t give a shit for what people’s saying and just carry on distracting yourself.
Do whatever you want to do and with whom you judge worthy of a piece of you!
You know, it might sound rough but I always knew that “monogamy and commitment” wasn’t quite for you…
However I am truly happy to see you taking your chances.
But more than that, I content and proud to see that you leave the past in the past.
Being single doesn’t mean being lonely and I guess I couldn’t be happier with the choices I’ve made.
Last night was far above my expectations (literally and figuratively).
This guy I met on a blind date was great, very talkative, open minded, new in town, completely cute, fucking handsome and hyper funny (yes, he made my cheeks hurt as I couldn’t stop smiling and laughing not even for a second).
His green-light-blue eyes wow caught me at first sight! It was indescribable, stronger than butterflies I guess… And it’s interesting because I risk saying that I already feel myself alive once again, which is all I needed.
Yeah, for some unknown reason this guy brought me back a part of my being that I’d thought was dead.
I have only reasons to thank him so far for his patience, for being himself surprising me in such a positive way, for being a gentleman despite his age but mainly for accepting this common agreement of “zero commitment”.
Indeed we just want someone to say things to, someone to kiss and hug and cuddle, someone to mimimi and all that teen stuff you know…
It’s a fresh feeling!
We are young, wild and we just want to have fun.
And to me all this sound like music to my ears… it’s now carnival in my heart.
So in order to enjoy life as much as possible I am going to live life in the fast lane, celebrating every single day till the day we decide to stop seeing each other. It can happens within a week, a month, a year who knows, who cares…
It’s simple, we have no strings attached and this is the beauty of us.
I must say that in general I’m really proud of you.
I’m proud that you finally got the guts to spit out that lump in your throat and that you’ve cleaned your heart so well.
I’m proud that no matter the situation you find yourself, we always find a way to turning tables.
I’m proud to notice how strong you became.
You’d your heart broken and still you managed to change the both of us for better.
Thank you!
I wonder what we will be feeling in a few months from now…
I hope you are not kinda broken hearted anymore, because I am not!
I hope you have overcome the hurt and your heart is mended.
I hope you are playing around and having fun (lots of fun).
I hope you’ve learned once for all to do not handle out our heart so easily.
I hope you keep enjoying your life as much as I’m doing now.
I hope you stay true, seriously don’t bother about critics. People will end up judging us anyway, so please keep always saying out loud whatever comes to our minds.
I hope you don’t have so much sorrow or regrets.
(I know you’ll not but as usual I want to make sure you don’t forget it).
I want to believe that you have learned to love yourself and to put your wishes and desires in the first place.
By the way I’m glad you are going to stick on with our plans about London, it’s good news that you already found a flat mate and that you’d choose a better course to do!
I hope that after all you still live in Europe somewhere, but if not, Canada sounds also a great option to you and me and I will support you whatever the place you take us.
Remember LOVE YOURSELF and just enjoy life! You are young, smart and goooorgeous and nothing or nobody can’t stop you from getting what you want or being happy.
I love you!
Friday, December 30th, 2011 @04:34:27 To: Gregory N.B.
A boy just like all the boys before
I finally get that Greg is not “the one”.
I should have known a while ago that our relationship was already over.
But I’d chosen to fight blindly and I proudly did that till the day I could.
I fought hard, I fought beyond my limits, I fought till the end for a love that I used to believe on, for a love that he used to make me feel.
And only God and I know about the shit I’d to get through and all the demons I’d to fight all alone just to be with this boy! Because that’s what love is about, you do whatever it takes to stay close to the person you love without measure the consequences… You just want them to be happy and seeing them happy makes you happy too. And then love grows…
(well I’d thought it would work this way but I was a fool and then he took me for granted).
I changed my entire life because of him and for nothing in return but illusions followed by the biggest heartache and disappointment I’ve ever had.
Not that I completely regret though, we had our good moments and I am truly grateful for the things that only we know, I am grateful about the way that only him could make me feel and the things he taugh me but I will not deny that I expected more from him. I expected at least for him to not being so dick and for so long… (he played bad with me for months but it actually was my fault as I should have quit much earlier… well, anyways it’s January 19th, 2012 and the words “we should broke up” came to light via email and now it’s here too).
A man that seemed to be so especial, a man that easily got from me a part that has had no other, but nonetheless, ended up being nothing…
And it’s sad coming to terms that he will be possibly remembered forever this way – a boy just like all the boys before.
I wish things were different.
But he deliberately aimed for that.
He broke me putting me on my knees… He ignored me as no one else have ever done still I was always there for him.
I’m hurt and I will not play the victim on the situation surely my heart’s still wishing for him, but I just can’t and won’t keep lowering my standards because of someone that clearly doesn’t worth it and honestly this “love” is becoming literally too pricey.
I already hit the ground and I’m not willing to start digging.
This torture must stop! I can’t allowed myself being treated like shit because deep down I know that I deserve better than this.
So for this reason I say that I’m officially done with Greg;
I’m done because he’s no longer the same man I fell in love with;
I’m done because there’s no love left;
I’m done because he just don’t care anymore;
I’m done because I still have some respect for both of us;
I’m done because someone has to say it!
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I know at times I will miss him, but I think this time won’t hurt as much as last, the feeling is already numb… And this time, I am content with the choice I made, actually happy with it. I’m excited for 2012.
I’ve learned a lot through this but mostly I’ve learned to be true to myself and never settle for less because I know that I always deserve more!
So , it’s time to truly let him go and give us both the opportunities to find the “more” I keep saying I want.
Boy, I wish you the best of luck. Don’t you worry I will be happy without you.
Goodbye!
Sincerely yours,
Carol Vallu
your eternal GG
I've never wanted to leave you but I was forced to...
- being alone more;
- messaging you less;
- being in past;
- living for the present;
- being late for everything;
- drinking more;
- drinking less;
- smoking less;
- buying more cigarettes;
- start smoking cigars;
- sleeping more;
- sleeping around;
- sleeping with you;
- the ghost of all of you;
- what never happened and why it never happened;
- what will never happen and why it will never happen;
- what might happen and why I want it to happen;
- making things happen and how to make them happen;
- bacon;
- beer;
- sex;
- milkshake;
- days off;
- work;
- money;
- taxes;
- saving money;
- hanging out with friends;
- weekends at tuesdays;
- why you did this to me;
- why did I let you do those things;
- why you seems to don’t care;
- why I don’t care anymore;
- do I have feelings;
- did I ever had it;
- did I loved you or did I just thought I did it;
- last summer;
- skiing;
- winter;
- England;
- 2010;
- Milan;
- the end of the world and the zombie apocalypse;
- people’s crap;
- lies;
- 2012;
- why oh why;
- it is what it it;
- moving on;
- I don’t wanna let go;
- wtf;
- music;
- new buddy;
- guitars;
- the horizon;
- the stars at night;
- flesh and bones;
- me killing you;
- photography;
- sugar;
- bullshit;
- boys and girls;
- new hair style;
- new tattoo;
- escaping from myself;
- is it possible someone being in love with a brain;
- why I don’t have a dragon;
- why dragons doesn’t exist;
- the pet that I don’t have;
- boyfriend and if I still have it;
- blogs;
- how Facebook sucks;
- how some people sucks;
- bullets and guns;
- movies and tv shows;
- time;
- numbers;
- being wise;
- travelling more;
- tipping less;
- travelling less;
- healthy food;
- unhealthy food;
- bad habbits;
- how much I’ve changed;
- how much everything’s changed;
- what I want;
- what I don’t want;
- things I gave;
- things I got;
- things I should do but I don’t;
- suddenly time goes by too fast…
- FUCK IT!
I think about you…
Every single second, every single minute, thousands of times each hour, every day.
I adore you with every centimetre of my being, no matter the great-heartache-painful-messy-past that we share.
You’ve made an immense difference in my life and I intend on keeping you even though I know that you’re slipping through my fingers…
It’s not new to admit that we got lost, and being lost for so long made us also lose more than we’ve ever thought we would…
Maybe we’ll meet again someday (we’ve changed, we both are now slightly different than what we used to be).
With luck we will fall in love all over again, no rush though.
But I am certain that we still have a time, even if it’s not right now… And I’ll be thinking of you every minute until that time comes.
I took a chance, I took a shot.
You might think I’m bulletproof, but I’m not.
You took a swing, I took it hard.
And down here from the ground I see who you are…
Yesterday, January 12, 2012 @19:25:11 To: my dearest new buddy.
My dear Paul,
I wish I could tell you everything in my head but I don’t quite know from where to start…
I guess thanking you would be a nice way to.
So thank you my lovely!
Thank you for everything you’ve done so far.
Every day, just texting and talking to you makes everything seem brighter.
And I don’t think you know exactly how much you already mean to me or how you’ve brought me back from the edge so many times.
You make me feel so happy and calm.
You make me forget about my problems and dramas… yeah, you have this effect on me and I knew that without a doubt on the night you sang beautifully to me.
Your voice, the way you looked… everything about you makes me feel comfortable and safe, even though save from myself.
I am so so sooooooo lucky to have been found! We had a great start and I love the way how you confuse me so much every time you say something extra cute and then re-phrase yourself.
You are awesome!
If I had one wish, it would be that your life brings you a taste of the happiness that you brought me.
I was a stranger and you welcomed me and there is no better feeling in the world that being picked up from the ground.
You gave (give) me basically everything I’ve needed so far.
You give me every day your full attention,
You give me hope for better days,
You give me the desire to look to the future…
You are one of the most beautiful person I know and I ever wish only the best to you.
Really looking forward to see you sometime soon.
I dedicate too much of my time and energy into things that bring me enjoyment for short moments and I end up regretting putting so much effort into those things, and in turn neglecting other things that serve to benefit me in the future.
In other words, I live too much in the moment. I act before I think. I jump into bad situations because I choose to satisfy my ID instead of thinking about life and the long term consequences.
"My life, my mistakes, my lessons. Not your business."
It’s hard and it’s really sad when you realize that love isn’t enough.
You can love him/her with all of your heart, you can hope all you want that everything is going to work out.
But there comes that painful moment in life when you realize that sometimes… love isn’t enough.
It’s going to kill you to know that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try it just can’t work out.
No matter how much you deny or how much you hide it, it’s just not enough.
Somewhere, somehow along the way in your relationship things fall apart and it can never go back to how it used to be.
You try and try but it’s not enough.
You wish, you hope, you pray, but it’s not enough.
You might even give the relationship a second go, a third, fourth, fifth time… but it’s different.
You’re changed. You’re not the person you were before.
You are hurt and somehow no matter how you place the pieces, they don’t fit.
You try everything to fix things but they just don’t fit.
And it’s not the same.
The heart aches…
I barely remember when was the last time I came here to post a video with a song. However this one from tonight grabbed my full attention on its 5 first seconds! Quite not sure if it was because of his voice, because of the lyrics, the piano on the background or his cuteness… The only thing I know is that someway somehow I’m now in love with this song. How did I come up to find it? Well pure luck while flickering on the web… And if it’s “highly recommented” – Oh yeah babe! fucking yeah! Now just playing it again and again and again…
A drop in the ocean, A change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘Cause you are my heaven.
I don’t wanna waste the weekend, If you don’t love me, pretend A few more hours, then it’s time to go. And as my train rolls down the East coast, I wonder how you keep warm. It’s too late to cry, too broken to move on.
Still I can’t let you be, Most nights I hardly sleep. Don’t take what you don’t need, from me.
Just a drop in the ocean, A change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘Cause you are my heaven.
Misplaced trust and old friends, Never counting the regrets, By the grace of God, I do not rest at all. and New England as the leaves change; The last excuse that I’ll claim, I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl.
Still I can’t let you be, Most nights I hardly sleep, Don’t take what you don’t need, from me.
Just a drop in the ocean, A change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘Cause you are my
Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no Heaven doesn’t seem far away. Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no Heaven doesn’t seem far away.
aooo aooo
A drop in the ocean, A change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘Cause you are my heaven. You are my heaven
Monday, January 9, 2012 @23:40:15 What’s going on? I wish I knew…
Dear Gregory,
It’s been weeks since we had an actual conversation. During this time, we’ve been in different places, doing different things and I think we just keep drifting apart each day, which is not okay. I am also starting to call you by your name and it sounds a bit awkward… Well we never really talked about what’s going on, never quite settled things and also that is not okay! No that is not okay at all!
The other day (and a few days before that day and last week and less than 20 days ago and before that too…) I emailed you, hoping to understand the real situation, make peace and kind of establish a normal contact again…
You, for whatever reason, didn’t replied me back, and to my agony I’m still waiting for it. It was a little disappointing at the beginning, but I’m getting used to it, so now not such a big deal; whether or not we stay in contact so often as before I just wanted you to know that from my side nothing’s changed, nothing at all.
I remember the last time I saw you in person, I remember the last time we spoke on skype… Well, I actually remember everything that happened between us since we met… It’s crazy I know. And I remember in a special way how we cuddled and ended up falling asleep (I particulary miss that). I remember as well how I loved to prepare dinner for you every night. And now the only thing that I cam remember is how confused you left me when you started to ignore me.
Time has passed since then and things are starting getting cold, kinda different and not that I doubts my feelings but I just don’t know where I stand anymore. Nevertheless I distract myself as much as I can just to don’t lose my nerves and to keep on focused. I’ve been living my own life, being pricked by the petty problems and worries I have, enjoying the good times, and trying hard to be wholly myself. I bet you too… In ways I will not deny that you’re still tangled up in my thoughts a lot of the time, but it doesn’t have any feelings of longing or sadness or wistful, wishful thinking. It’s just there, not particularly harmful, just a sort of lingering echo that bothers me somedays. Living in confusion is not easy.
I know that on the past we made a great couple, and if circumstances had been different, we would still being not a doubt. In fact I still hoping for us to become again what we once was. But most of me has accepted that our paths have diverged again, that we have our own separate ways to make. I wish not but what else can I do to prove you… I don’t know.
Anyway what I really want to say to you is that I still want us to be something, I just don’t know what exactly. Maybe friends… What I know is that it’s unacceptable how so many couples break up, then become like strangers to each other after trusting one another so utterly. And it strikes me to don’t know what happened to us… We haven’t break up although we don’t barely talk anymore… How can it be possible?
I hate living somewhere in between. I don’t know how to act and it confuses me to notice that in ways both of us have more or less moved on. We should be honest and open to each other instead of keep acting as kids. I suppose I loved you, and I presume you loved me too but it’s gone now. I might be about to give up on you but I need to know if you had already gave up on me or if you are just keeping on with my punishment as you said once. Its ridiculous no matter how hurt you are you just can’t keep doing this! It’s not right and its not okay! Grow up! Say something…
I may send you a message in a few weeks or sometime over the next few months till there you won’t hear from me. It seems like a risk, but when I think it through, I don’t really have anything to lose. Till there good luck with your dreams, and your work and your happiness, and with your life in general.
Dear future me,
I hope you are smiling and thinking actually how lucky you are to have the people around you that you do.
You are beautiful, sexy, remarkably smart and are able to get everything you deserve and want with or without any “fantastic guy who you love more than anything in life”.
Don’t bother, people sometimes act in a way which they will eventually regred for the rest of their lives.
Preserve yourself, don’t put all your faith in others.
You are awesomely goooorgeous, you are doing great and getting stronger every day.
So believe me when I say that you are allowed to be happy… and you shouldn’t feel any guilty about it!
Don’t let anyone to put you down.
Chin up girl!
p.s: If people want to step out of your life, be gentle and hold the door open for them.
Friday, still December 2011 @03:25:11 To: my dearest ex-ex-ex-boyfriend also now ex-friend Diego.
I am sorry things between us did not work out how either of us would have preferred.
I know breaking ties is difficult, at least for me, but there are some differences that over time cannot be worked through, and some choices that cannot be taken back.
I am sorry that I cannot be the kind of friend you were expecting me to become.
I am sorry for the harsh words I sent you last night via IM.
I am truly sorry if I was always a way too practical with you.
And I am sorry for the shortest “goodbye” I’ve ever said…
We’ve tried too hard keep being friends and you should know that I’m glad it worked almost perfectly for many years.
But things are too different now…
It’s pointless to insist. I’m changed, and that is why I’m placing myself out of your life.
I can’t afford certain things and keep chasing people is something I’m determinate to stop doing.
So sorry to start with you though…
Perhaps in the future we might have our paths crossed once again, who knows but now I want you to realise that it’s going to be for the better.
Nevertheless, I’m thankful for everything since the day I met you on the Universaty Lab earlier 2003 but mainly I am thankful for the things you taught me along these years.
You taught me (and it seems finally to be learned) that I should follow my mind and not follow what I simply feel for others.
You taught me that trust is not something to throw around.
You taught me to be reserved.
You taught me that I should not try to forge or save relationships of any kind.
And the most important thing you have taught me was that bottling up emotions is the safest route.
(…)
Well, if you ever come across this letter, I am uncertain that you will but if you do, please accept my apologies.
I hope you live a great life, I hope you fight your demons and find all the happiness you deserve.
Sincerely,
Penguin, the only ex-girlfriend that you’ve had.
I´m a dreamer, a visionary… Selfish and I never give up! Always unpredictable more than 100% ! Yes, sometimes I can be cute enough to be a bitch and no doubt you´ll lov me … I cannot be changed! Apart from that, I´m special and probably one of the sweetest girls you’ll ever meet. So nice to meet you!
Hope you enjoy.
