I know, I know there hasn’t been many personal posts here lately and that’s because I no longer feel the urge to constantly make private things public. Everything is different now, I’ve adopting the policy of Preserve the Privacy, which is awesome! Less gossiping, less people trying to put me down, more but much more of ‘I do whatever I want to’ and that’s how I am really happy. Without mention that what Francesco and I have is really special and unique and complicated and fun to both of us that I don’t dare to share much of it with strangers. I guess that’s the true sign of knowing that I love this guy completely: it’s ours and only ours.
However, it’s always the little things though, right?
So I say he has this particular way of surprising me all the time with his manners, sincerity and passion for life.
Of course we don’t have a perfect relationship but we are the best couple ever. He’s my friend, my lover, my accomplice and sometimes my opponent.I couldn’t imagine better fit for my life than him. He is my man!
Probably this is the wisest, honest and sappy thing I have ever typed into this space and I couldn’t be happier, I couldn’t be more content with my life. Being a blogger is great BUT nothing’s better than being a beloved woman, living in a happy and harmonic house with a caring partner.
Fra, you are the best I ever had! Thanks for dreaming my dreams.
If we’re going to make this work you have to let me inside, even though it hurts... Don’t hide the broken parts, that I need to see. Like it or not, that’s the way it gotta to be! You have to love yourself; if you can ever love me.
She said,
I’ll do whatever it takes to turn this around… I’ll help you to fix me. And I’ll try to never let you down. I can’t promise you anything. But if you give me a chance and believe that I can change: I’ll keep us together. Forever. Together.
I really admire you not because you’re someone I really love but as an individual.
I appreciate your entire being and the more I get to know you the more I respect you.
I want you to never doubt about how much I care and how much you’re important to me.
I want to be someone you can go to when you’re mad, disappointed, excited, happy or all the other emotions that are running through your mind.
I want you to always count on me.
I want to be there for you as much as you are there for me, always.
I want to be the one to keep you company yet give you the space you need.
I want to be able to always talk and express all my feelings and concerns to you because I feel you are able to help me and support me through it all. Although there are times where we may not be able to understand each other fully, we’ve to do our best to at least try to understand halfway rather than not at all.
I want us to put ourselves in each other’s shoes to relate and try to see through each other’s point of view of what’s going on.
I want to be able to talk things out before we’ve the chance to assume the worst of one another.
I want the two of us to carry on building not just a relationship but that kind of amazing friendship that’ll keep us very close.
Actually I want us to be a team instead of a couple.
I want to make you happy each and every day by putting a smile upon your face no matter how much this could cost me.
I know where my priorities belong but you are set among the list, just not as my first because my life would not revolve around you. However, since I first met you, you automatically became a part of my life, and I’d like to share that with you, together with all joys and sorrows.
I want to create thousands of remarkable moments with you; especially those special moments when it’s just us two.
And I don’t really care where we go, as long as I get to be with you because “home” is wherever I am with you.
I want to tell you the truth from the very beginning to all times, I’ve given my heart to you with no hesitations because I believe in you and I. And I hope we’ll last because we can conquer every situation as long as we’re able to talk it out and accept each other for who we are.
This time I don’t want a fairy tale love that is always so “lovey dovey”. I am not the princess who need to be saved… I am the troubled girl who makes somehow things happen, and I like being this way. Because along the years I noticed every time something seems so perfect, there must be at least one flaw that separates what we want as opposed to what we are afraid of and this sucks.
With you I want to be brave and fearless with an adventurous type of love where we’ll do as we desire as long as we set our minds upon it. I am in love with our adventure and I am certain that the way we are doing will take us far in life.
I’ll always support you and cheer you on with your ambitions and goals as much as I can just not because you do this to me but because you deserve my attention in whatever you propose yourself to do. I will criticize you if I have to and I expect from you no more and no less than this.
I want us to go hand in hand with a promise; not to leave one another behind.
I want to keep on trusting you with my eyes closed and my heart open and know that you won’t ever let me down because I won’t ever do that to you.
I want to create a bond where we would synchronize our minds and hearts as one. Yet I want the two of us to be as free as birds.
You deserve to be happy and loved and so do I, so let’s help one another.
I want to keep showing you how much I am worth to be with.
And I hope to always be your choice because you will always be mine.
I hope we can both build each other up and learn more about one another each and every day.
And even when I’m not that close to you, always know that I’m always thinking about you and how you’re doing.
Last but not least, if I had to die a thousand times a day I would do it for you!
You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and involuntarily a grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.
One day you fall for this guy. And he touches you with his fingers. And he burns holes in your skin with his mouth. And it hurts when you look at him. And it hurts when you don’t. And it feels like someone’s cut you open with a jagged piece of glass.
…And it feels like being alive for the very first time.
I think it’s great for two people to be together. That is a good number. I think, that to keep it alive though, you can’t spend every day together because it wears out the magic… Love means nothing to me if it’s not fortified with fierce, painful longing, brief explosive instances of furious passion and intimacy and then a sad parting for a time. In that way, you can give your life to it and still have a life of your own. I think some couples spend too much time together. They flatten out the potential for experience by constant closeness. Passion builds over time like steam. Let it rage until it’s exhausted and then leave it alone to let it build up again. Why can’t love be insane and distorted? How can it be vital if it has the same threshold as normal day-to-day experience? Why can’t you write burning letters and let your nocturnal self smoulder with desire for one who is not there? Why not let the days before you see him/her be excruciating and ferment in your mind so on the day you go to the airport to pick him/her up, you’re nearly sick with anticipation? And then when desire shows the first sign of contentment, throw it back in its cage and let it slowly build itself back into a state of starved fury. Then when you are together, it all matters. So that when you look into his/her eyes, you lose your balance, so that when he/she touches you, it feels like you have never been touched before. When he/she says your name, you think it was he/she who named you. When he/she has gone, you bury your face in the pillow to smell his/her hair and you lie awake at night remembering your face in his/her neck, him/her breathing and the amazing smell of his/her skin. Your eyes go wet because you want and miss him/her so bad and so much… Now that is worth the miles and the time. That matches the inferno of life. Otherwise you poison each other with your presence day after day as you drag each other through the inevitable mundane aspects of your lives. That is the slow death that I see slapped on faces everywhere I go. It’s part of the world’s sadness that’s more empty than cold, poorly lit rooms in cities of the American night.
However cliché it may sound, you are everything I have ever wanted.
You are everything I never thought was possible to find in just one man.
You are charming and kind.
You are determined, polite and impulsive as much as me.
You know when to give in and you recognize when to say “I’m sorry” and it’s beautiful to see that you truly mean every word that you speak.
You are human, then yes, sometimes you fail but you show me every time that at least you tried your best towards me or anything else that you proposed to do.
You have the most lovely Italian accent I’ve ever heard and that makes anything you speak sounds good.
I love the way you say “cazzo” and “pizza” with your tongue between your teeth and I want you to know that I simply melt every time you say “hi honey” or when you look me in the eyes and softly kiss my cheeks before you fiercely kiss my lips.
You changed me for good.
You brought me back to life.
You are and always will be that loving and caring guy that every girl is always dreaming of.
I feel so lucky to have you by my side, dear love of mine!
And all I want is to never disappoint you for the choices you’ve made to be with me. I am going to take you fully and never let you go. I accept you by everything you are as the same way you did this to me without any hesitation.
You are funny and your laugh always make me smile even when the only thing I want is to cry or to punch you in the face for some stupid mistake you’ve made.
Whenever I see you, I feel loved and quite often I feel like a little kid discovering the world for the very first time, because you show me the world I already know in a different way. I’m learning how to see through your eyes and yet I am also teaching you how to seeing things from my perspective and all this is amazingly “wow”. And it’s so pure and fabulous the way we understand one another.
I see on you the necessary dose of madness and strength to make it work and you probably have no idea of how sexy you look and sound every time you say “gia”, “dai, facciamolo!” or “non mollare mai” . I’ve never met someone like you and I couldn’t be happier for have had the chance to.
You are able to dream my dreams and I feel so proud of you!
Its impressive the number of things in which we equally gave up or handled just to be together, I am amazed!
Thank you a lot.
Not a doubt it’s all new to me too.
Not a doubt we will eventually find some bumps in the road.
Not a doubt that I never knew about this kind of love before.
I know that you knows how you already mean to me…
I love you Francesco, I really do, though sometimes I just don’t have enough words to say how big it is!
By now all I can say is that, you like it or not, you are and will always be my little bird from always to forever.
The world may never notice If a snowdrop doesn’t bloom, Or even pause to wonder If the leafs fall too soon.
And while you say the last goodbye To the one you have loved so much; The world somehow manage to carry on without them… It’s tough I know But you are now handing them over.
They won’t want us to worry They won’t want us to cry; We shall be brave and do not grieve for too long.
Of course it takes some time to adjust To this gap within our lives; So lean on me whenever you need And when the pain feels like a knife; Cry your heart out And let them go to rest together in peace.
The more I get to know him, the more I convince myself that he is as unique and special as I am.
We match perfectly to the point to look at shit through each other’s eyes.
He really understands me and accept my reasons in which I do (did) certain things like no one ever will…
He knows me plain and raw, taking me in full from top to bottom and its reciprocal.
I admire him in basically everything he does and his presence light up just not my day but my life.
This is all new to me and I guess I’ve never felt this way…
The connection we have is impressive, so impressive that seems we are inside of each other’s mind all the time! We communicate through the silence, (not to mention the IT & ENG used) yeah it is all so wonderful and so magical and powerful.
Wow!
I have no words to describe my feelings for him…
And those three little words aren’t good enough to express what we feel.
I know it may sound crazy but this guy and I do believe that “the search” is over. And for this reason, about just a month later, we’ve decided to settle down and in a way I’ve never thought would happen to me any time soon! We are already immensely committed, present and future with him by my side looks so bright and so promising! I feel like on the top of the world and I have no shame to say that I only have reasons to thank God for this blessing. Plus I don’t feel any bad of freely admit that my heart is now totally mended after all and that I am completely ready to embrace with my arms wide open this new relationship.
The truth is that this amazing guy truly wants me as much as I already want him to the point of doing everything to keep me by his side. He’s showing me this in so many different ways, day after day with gestures and kind actions.
We talk openly about everything though what fascinates me most is the fact that we both live for the day and because of it every big step we take feels so damn right like 1+1 = 2!
No regrets are allowed, we have no half measures so it can’t go wrong! I feel like I finally found my little bird and I feel it all just not with my body, I can say that I feel it with my entire soul.
He is all the time in my thoughts. He makes me feel secure and completely free and it’s rare; I don’t feel empty or trapped or blue anymore. With him I can be myself without have to hide my flaws, with him I do not have to worry about a thing because he cares a lot about me, he doesn’t measure efforts to provide me everything I need even regarding my staying on the Schengen area!
This time I am indeed the luckiest girl in the world.
And it’s so beautiful and I so love his gaze and the tone of his voice every time he says “Ciao Carol” or “hey honey, how are you today?”
His smile and the sound of his heart beating next to mine… God, it is one of the best feelings in the world!!!
I fully enjoy his company at any time of my day, from waking up to going to sleep right next to him…
We are more than just great together and that is the reason why I’m so excited about everything!
Spring time is coming soon and YESSS, we are going to build our nest!
A nest where we don’t need to fear the outcome of being ourselves as the way we are.
A nest where we’ll be able to find respect and comfort on each other.
A nest where we can freely play jokes and laugh about silly things.
A nest where communication, trust and honesty are going to be the basis of everything else.
And it’s going to be clean and simple and I pray for it to be far better than ever was because we belong to the same “breed of birds”. I am glad I fell in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time and this is a huge sign that the “meant to be” really exist. Now looking back I fully understand and accept that everything happened for a reason. It’s still kinda odd to think that I moved to Italy sometime in 2008 though just now was that I finally found my Italian guy… Anyways, if I had a chance to change a thing in my past I wouldn’t change anything, because everything that was done brought me somehow towards him.
And everybody knows that I’m not a girl “easy to handle” but this guy is completely able to, he truly inspires me to be the best I can be.
Yes, I have the warmest feelings for him!
FUCK YES I have for him the most sincere 01101100011011110111011001100101 in the universe!
Dear future me,
I hope you’ve found yourself.
By the time I wrote this to you, sometime in 2011, you were so lost, so needy and so miserable that anyone could see how troubled your life was going.
I’m so sorry if I abandoned you…
I’m so sorry for everything I put you through, you deserved better… far better than everything you had last year.
Sorry if I lied to you making you believe in such stupid fairytales.
Sorry if I forced you to stay longer than you should be into another sick relationship that would change yourself forever.
Sorry if I told you to never give up on boys…
I was wrong.
Well, I’m not sure if your (my) heart is totally mended by now or if you’ve decided to give another chance to love. I bet yes knowing you as I do…
You look and sound happy with this new guy you found, I’m happy for us!
However it goes pls do not forget to love yourself at first!
Trust no one.
Take risks if you must to but never ever again forget to love yourself.
You’re awesome! You really are a beautiful and unique lady.
And you’re absolutely gooooorgeous despite all your scars.
I love you, I really do although sometimes I seems not to.
Please for our own sake, stop doubting yourself!
True love might already have found you, be patient with this new guy, don’t chase him, don’t be afraid to get out there and fight for everything you plan to build with him, despite any critices always follow the sound of your heart.
Be ready, because eventually you will get hurt once again. So this time don’t give him so much control, right?
Though always in every single day remain yourself.
Be loving, be caring…
I know it’s hard for us but believe me, no matter how much you love people don’t become dependent on them. “A hungry dog doesn’t get feed…”
So don’t be needy or clingy. Make them come to you, you’ve this power so use it!
Last but not least remember there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Take your chances.
Forget your past.
Stay classy,
Take care of me.
No matter what you go through in your life, there’ s always a song to match perfectly to a situation.
Not seldom a song makes you go back in time and relive in your head those moments over and over again.
It’s amazing how a song can trigger so many things at once… Some brings you back bad experiences waiting to be forgotten, others leaving a blissed smile on your face instead.
I love the song played on the video bellow. I really do, particularly now that it has a special meaning in my life.
And I am not going to deny that since yesterday I’ve this song stuck in my head. It’s stuck right there because it is a lovely song. It’s stuck because to me it was quite impossible to do not instinctively link this song to what I’ve been experimenting with this “wow” guy I am with. It is stuck in my head because this guy has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen!!! It is stuck there because I still have that vivid sensation of melody and lyrics silently filling the space between everything that wasn’t us – and it was indescribably magical in all meanings…
So these days was without a doubt remarkable and important for both of us. It was the longest weekend spent together – the first one of so many others that are to come… I’m so happy to now have a better understanding of the entire situation I am in. I love the way we communicate to each other. Also I’m totally comfortable and satisfied with life in general and so with the rest of the world. Because I know that every time this guy look and smile at me he does that from his heart to the girl I am, not to the one that everyone else sees. Every time he took me by my hands or whenever he say “hey honey” he truly save me from madness perhaps without even fully realise the good he does to me.
Now it’s all far bigger than simply find and being found and I only have reason to thank.
So far I do not know a better way to keep myself completely safe from this ugly world we live in than being selfish and practical.
I keep saying to myself, repeating out loud: “You must look after yourself first. You’re your own hero. You must do things for your own sake without care much about the others, this is how you will get everything you want. This way life is going to be a lot easier. Being your own saver will prevent you to taste suffering again.”
I cannot allow myself to get hurt once again nor either too soon…
If things are designed to happen they will do.
Trusting was already too much and it is all that I am willing to give by now.
For everything else time will provide and show me what decision to make.
Today I put myself fully back on the road I choose to cross…
Me, myself and I might fall from the sky without grace but at least we are now touching the clouds.
Never forget YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!
Seems that now she is finally and absolutely ready to start whatever happens!
No more lies or half-stories, no more hide and seek or silly games in her love-life…
She trust him as she fully trust her own self.
And so for this reason she told him things she never told anyone else.
She told him about her fears, insecurities and the very things she was so ashamed of and yet made up who she is.
She revealed to this unique and already so special guy the whole truth as it is and yet his choice, for her astonishment, was to remain; to stick by her side as insanely as it could seems.
So young and so open minded…
Wow!
Believe me, she couldn’t be happier and in peace with her life as she is. Now she has no walls.
The truth nothing but the truth is all that this guy deserve from her. Because one things is sure, he is far above than anyone else ever did!
So instead of just walk on her surface, she allowed him to go deeper in all meanings.
Awesomely he’s now able to fully take her from what and who she actually is.
He is taking her with her whole crap all in once.
And without any doubt or hesitation he wants her as the same way she wants him:
PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
It’s early morning, the snow falls lightly on the outside.
I know I shouldn’t but I kinda miss you like hell.
Everything inside of me screams for you to show up and sweep me up in your arms, to take me over and love me wildly once again.
It has been four days since the last time I saw you!
I’m over here.
You are over there and I can’t wait to see you tonight.
No one else will understand this, but I pray for you to.
I want the “us” on you and I to be always free.
If I walk away, please follow me.
Good luck with dating.
I hope when you have read this you aren’t feeling downtrodden, guilty or lonely anymore just because some asshole mucked things up in your past.
You’re better than that so don’t give a shit for what people’s saying and just carry on distracting yourself.
Do whatever you want to do and with whom you judge worthy of a piece of you!
You know, it might sound rough but I always knew that “monogamy and commitment” wasn’t quite for you…
However I am truly happy to see you taking your chances.
But more than that, I content and proud to see that you leave the past in the past.
I'm a dreamer , a visionary … Selfish and I never give up! Crazy at 100% and very unpredictable most of time! Yeah, sometimes I can be cute and awesome though I prefer being a bitch and no doubt you'll love me or hate me with all your heart … I can't be changed and in my world there's no half terms. Apart from that I am special, unique and probably one of the sweetest girls you’ll ever meet. So nice to meet you!
