Hello, is anybody there?!

I don’t know who I am anymore, what I became, how and why actually I got here.
What I know is that I miss all those things I used to have and mostly as I do not get tire of repeat, I miss the girl who I used to be.

I want to have ‘MY HOME’ again. I want to have close to me my current boyfriend and a few good friends I made last year…
Yes, this is all I need and what I want right now! And no matter if it’s all real or if it’s just my imagination tricking on me as usual.
Nothing really matters because I remember that was ‘there’ where I could feel myself happy and satisfied!
Was there where I used to be challenged every day. Was there where I felt alive and great, where I learned to give my best to get over myself being alone… Because there I was totally independent, even when I was feeling needy I was still on my own most of the time and I was doing pretty well, tks…

Well, ‘here’ is just here now…You know, I like my country and I’ve never denied where I came from, but despite here being a ‘good’ place it become small and I always felt as if I’d never belonged to this place… (in fact I still don’t know where exactly I belong). This may sound strange but I learned that ‘home is where your heart is’, and don’t take me wrong but especially now ‘home’ isn’t here anymore! At the moment my heart is across the ocean and I am not just talking about ‘LOVE’, I am talking about ‘LIFE’ in general! My heart is ‘there’ where I’m free, where I can be the ‘NEW ME’ and that’s perfectly enough for everybody and if wans’t I can just ignore and proceede with my life. Seriously, I don’t want to carry the weight of my past with me and yesterday is already in my past!

Through the past 2 years and half I grew, I changed (althought sometimes I keep acting as a kid). Happiness definitely isn’t here now, since I couldn’t find it during the past 20 days… I might to be wrong about my judgment, but ‘there’ still being a place that worth fighting for! Perhaps I’m chasing a dream that is unreal and I’m aware that I’ve been blind to recognize certain things, but this is my choice! One thing is sure I will not give up, I am not ready to give in as I don’t want to step back!
Ok, I’m admitting openly that I’m too afraid to fail and this is one of the reasons why I’ve been so stressed and over-reacting…

Without further ado I’m so sorry for being so honest but I want to scape from here as soon as possible, because I’ve been runaway all my life of a small amount of my past  but foremost because I really do miss everything I left behind.
It’s hard to live life in stand by…

Ps: Sometimes I just don’t know what I’m doing… but I always knew exactly what I wanted!

.

and now, what comes next?

About these ads

Tags: next, step, what to do