Day Twenty Nine

Dear diary I’m glad that another Monday is about to finish since I do not know what else to do with my problems… Everyday some new trouble pops up in my life: visa, flat, bank, friends and more…
Well, 2011 isn’t my lucky year so far!
I know that some of my actions are contradicted by my thoughts. Yes, most of the time I’m fooling myself, which is really sad but it’s true.
However, I wish I could scream and cry out loud with all the breathe in my lungs but deep inside it wouldn’t change anything as the mess is now complete but especially because as of now I have decided to act as an adult. It is predictable to turn cold, boring, impartial just like adults are and I do apologise in advance for it.
Probably some of my “no words” are hiding my feelings but who actually cares about them right?! I don’t even know what they mean but I’m willing myself to quit with this whole drama. Exactly, there’s no reason to deny anymore that I’ve reached the end of the line regarding lots of things and it definitely includes Italy and everything I left behind.
I’m pretty much mentally and physically exhausted to keep fighting a battle that is already lost…
Some people have got surprised when I insist by saying that I’m okay, that I don’t need any kind of help; because being very rational I don’t want to get hurt more than I already am, I don’t want to expect anything from anyone, not anymore. I did once and it’s really frustrating!
So after all I will keep lying to myself millions of times, just for now, trying to desperately look a bit convincing enough to get through all of this shit or at least outwit lots of attention from those who I don’t want to have in my way!

Ps: Bullshit should be massively forbidden on blogs!!!

unfortunately I forgot to turn on the H2O...

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