My thrill is gone. (Say I'm wrong)

Being a borderline feels like eternal hell.
Nothing less.
Pain, anger, confusion, never knowing how I’m gonna feel from one minute to the next.
Hurting because I hurt those whom I love.
Feeling misunderstood.
And empty most of time.
Nothing gives me pleasure.
Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I’d feel too much guilt for those I’d hurt, and then feeling angry about that…
So I cut myself or abuse of substances to make all those feelings go away.

Sorry not sorry, but it is what it is, a never ending cycle.

.:healing | Days without cutting: 04:.

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Tags: 2012, BPD, counting days, crises, cutting, cycles, depression is not a joke, healing, july, never ending, new scars, personal, photo, progress, slightly ashamed, sorry not sorry, vintage dress