Good luck with dating.
I hope when you have read this you aren’t feeling downtrodden, guilty or lonely anymore just because some asshole mucked things up in your past.
You’re better than that so do don’t give a shit for what people’s saying and just carry on distracting yourself.
Do whatever you want to do and with whom you judge worthy of a piece of you!
You know, it might sound rough but I always knew that “monogamy and commitment” wasn’t quite for you…
However I am truly happy to see you taking your chances.
But more than that, I content and proud to see that you leave the past in the past.

- Forgive.
– Forget.
– Move on.

Yeah babe, that’s the way we rule!

xoxo,
the old you

...

I must say that in general I’m really proud of you.
I’m proud that you finally got the guts to spit out that lump in your throat and that you’ve cleaned your heart so well.
I’m proud that no matter the situation you find yourself, we always find a way to turning tables.
I’m proud to notice how strong you became.
You’d your heart broken and still you managed to change the both of us for better.
Thank you!
I wonder what we will be feeling in a few months from now…
I hope you are not kinda broken hearted anymore, because I am not!
I hope you have overcome the hurt and your heart is mended.
I hope you are playing around and having fun (lots of fun).
I hope you’ve learned once for all to do not handle out our heart so easily.
I hope you keep enjoying your life as much as I’m doing now.
I hope you stay true, seriously don’t bother about critics. People will end up judging us anyway, so please keep always saying out loud whatever comes to our minds.
I hope you don’t have so much sorrow or regrets.
(I know you’ll not but as usual I want to make sure you don’t forget it).
I want to believe that you have learned to love yourself and to put your wishes and desires in the first place.
By the way I’m glad you are going to stick on with our plans about London, it’s good news that you already found a flat mate and that you’d choose a better course to do!
I hope that after all you still live in Europe somewhere, but if not, Canada sounds also a great option to you and me and I will support you whatever the place you take us.
Remember LOVE YOURSELF and just enjoy life! You are young, smart and goooorgeous and nothing or nobody can’t stop you from getting what you want or being happy.
I love you!

- See you soon.

xoxo

.

...

A boy just like all the boys before

I finally get that Greg is not “the one”.
I should have known a while ago that our relationship was already over.
But I’d chosen to fight blindly and I proudly did that till the day I could.
I fought hard, I fought beyond my limits, I fought till the end for a love that I used to believe on, for a love that he used to make me feel.
And only God and I know about the shit I’d to get through and all the demons I’d to fight all alone just to be with this boy! Because that’s what love is about, you do whatever it takes to stay close to the person you love without measure the consequences… You just want them to be happy and seeing them happy makes you happy too. And then love grows…
(well I’d thought it would work this way but I was a fool and then he took me for granted).
I changed my entire life because of him and for nothing in return but illusions followed by the biggest heartache and disappointment I’ve ever had.
Not that I completely regret though, we had our good moments and I am truly grateful for the things that only we know, I am grateful about the way that only him could make me feel and the things he taugh me but I will not deny that I expected more from him. I expected at least for him to not being so dick and for so long… (he played bad with me for months but it actually was my fault as I should have quit much earlier… well, anyways it’s January 19th, 2012 and the words “we should broke up” came to light via email and now it’s here too).
A man that seemed to be so especial, a man that easily got from me a part that has had no other,  but nonetheless, ended up being nothing…
And it’s sad coming to terms that he will be possibly remembered forever this way – a boy just like all the boys before.
I wish things were different.
But he deliberately aimed for that.
He broke me putting me on my knees… He ignored me as no one else have ever done still I was always there for him.
I’m hurt and I will not play the victim on the situation surely my heart’s still wishing for him, but I just can’t and won’t keep lowering my standards because of someone that clearly doesn’t worth it and honestly this “love” is becoming literally too pricey.
I already hit the ground and I’m not willing to start digging.
This torture must stop! I can’t allowed myself being treated like shit because deep down I know that I deserve better than this.
So for this reason I say that I’m officially done with Greg;
I’m done because he’s no longer the same man I fell in love with;
I’m done because there’s no love left;
I’m done because he just don’t care anymore;
I’m done because I still have some respect for both of us;
I’m done because someone has to say it!
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I know at times I will miss him, but I think this time won’t hurt as much as last, the feeling is already numb… And this time, I am content with the choice I made, actually happy with it. I’m excited for 2012.
I’ve learned a lot through this but mostly I’ve learned to be true to myself and never settle for less because I know that I always deserve more!
So , it’s time to truly let him go and give us both the opportunities to find the “more” I keep saying I want.
Boy, I wish you the best of luck. Don’t you worry I will be happy without you.
Goodbye!

Sincerely yours,
Carol Vallu
your eternal GG

I've never wanted to leave you but I was forced to...

I think about you…
Every single second, every single minute, thousands of times each hour, every day.
I adore you with every centimetre of my being, no matter the great-heartache-painful-messy-past that we share.
You’ve made an immense difference in my life and I intend on keeping you even though I know that you’re slipping through my fingers…
It’s not new to admit that we got lost, and being lost for so long made us also lose more than we’ve ever thought we would…
Maybe we’ll meet again someday (we’ve changed, we both are now slightly different than what we used to be).
With luck we will fall in love all over again, no rush though.
But I am certain that we still have a time, even if it’s not right now…
And I’ll be thinking of you every minute until that time comes.

I took a chance, I took a shot.
You might think I’m bulletproof, but I’m not.
You took a swing, I took it hard.
And down here from the ground I see who you are…

.

.

.

.

]]> http://carolvallu.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/letters-to-nobody/feed/ 0 carolvallu http://carolvallu.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/letters-to-them-part-v/ http://carolvallu.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/letters-to-them-part-v/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:14:46 +0000 Carol Vallu http://carolvallu.wordpress.com/?p=2869 ]]> Yesterday, January 12, 2012 @19:25:11
To: my dearest new buddy.

My dear Paul,

I wish I could tell you everything in my head but I don’t quite know from where to start…
I guess thanking you would be a nice way to.
So thank you my lovely!
Thank you for everything you’ve done so far.
Every day, just texting and talking to you makes everything seem brighter.
And I don’t think you know exactly how much you already mean to me or how you’ve brought me back from the edge so many times.
You make me feel so happy and calm.
You make me forget about my problems and dramas… yeah, you have this effect on me and I knew that without a doubt on the night you sang beautifully to me.
Your voice, the way you looked… everything about you makes me feel comfortable and safe, even though save from myself.
I am so so sooooooo lucky to have been found! We had a great start and I love the way how you confuse me so much every time you say something extra cute and then re-phrase yourself.
You are awesome!
If I had one wish, it would be that your life brings you a taste of the happiness that you brought me.
I was a stranger and you welcomed me and there is no better feeling in the world that being picked up from the ground.
You gave (give) me basically everything I’ve needed so far.
You give me every day your full attention,
You give me hope for better days,
You give me the desire to look to the future…
You are one of the most beautiful person I know and I ever wish only the best to you.
Really looking forward to see you sometime soon.

...

...

I dedicate too much of my time and energy into things that bring me enjoyment for short moments and I end up regretting putting so much effort into those things, and in turn neglecting other things that serve to benefit me in the future.
In other words, I live too much in the moment. I act before I think. I jump into bad situations because I choose to satisfy my ID instead of thinking about life and the long term consequences.

"My life, my mistakes, my lessons. Not your business."

...

You are hurt and somehow no matter how you place the pieces, they don’t fit.
You try everything to fix things but they just don’t fit.
And it’s not the same.
The heart aches…

...

...

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

I don’t wanna waste the weekend,
If you don’t love me, pretend
A few more hours, then it’s time to go.
And as my train rolls down the East coast,
I wonder how you keep warm.
It’s too late to cry, too broken to move on.

Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep.
Don’t take what you don’t need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

Misplaced trust and old friends,
Never counting the regrets,
By the grace of God, I do not rest at all.
and New England as the leaves change;
The last excuse that I’ll claim,
I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl.

Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep,
Don’t take what you don’t need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my

Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no
Heaven doesn’t seem far away.
Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no
Heaven doesn’t seem far away.

aooo
aooo

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.
You are my heaven