First of all:
Dear Daddy and dear Bf, in case you
were reading this stupid post, stop right now! Seriously, I don’t want that you discover about my ‘secret sport’, or even worst,
I don’t want that you become better than me, on our arguments.
And will be not fair have you guys using
‘my material of study’ against of me!
Hello?! I said STOP NOW!
Or jump directly to LESSON 4!
Well, living life as ‘bon vivant’ is nice (hang out with friends, stay up all night without need to wake up early on the next day, traveling around, 7 Sundays a week, parties etc.) but there are days when I miss my old routine (follow/break rules, plain a schedule, weeks with Mondays to Fridays… blablabla… and the thing I most miss: to have a ‘boss’!)
Yes, I miss to have it for one simple reason: I take ‘argue’ as a sport; and I love to prove to them all that sometimes do different work better than be old fashioned… Do different means also doing a difference at the end!
Well, I’m still doing that, but not so often as before…
Anyway, have you also a natural tendency for ‘ARGUMENTS’?
Are you a stubborn gracious?
Do you like it as much as I do?
If yes, I think that those tips bellow are for you too, hope you enjoy it!
Lesson 1: How to Argue Safely (by dazedaze)
Arguing is part of many relationships and people come across arguments when not agreeing with others points of view. Arguing often can have a negative impact on your relationships. Knowing how to argue will save you the grief of having to replace your loved ones every time you disagree with them without having to hold back what you want to say to them.
When arguing, be aware of your voice level. People tend to over react and start raising their voice when trying to make their point. This only makes the argument a hot tempered one, and people will react in an aggressive way to an aggressive tone of voice. Watch how you speak. If you were texting pay attention on the words you write, try to don’t be rude.
When arguing, make sure to speak/type clearly. Talk at a normal pace so people can understand you. You shouldn’t rush your speech. This also comes off as aggressive behavior. When texting try to don’t throw all you angry… go slow!
When in personally look at the person’s eyes. Don’t allow yourself to let your eyes wander, and stand or sit at eye level. This could be interpreted as intimidation or you not caring about the argument. The person you are having an argument with, should be looked at directly.
Do not allow yourself to be at a lower or higher level than the one you arguing with in any case. Again, it could become intimidating to be looking up at someone disagreeing with you.
Give each other time to state his opinion and think about what the other person is trying to tell you. Just like you want a chance to argue your point, he should have the chance to argue his. Don’t assume he has nothing to say without giving him a chance to explain himself.
Focus on the present issue and don’t bring any older or past troubles into the argument.
When in personally, try to pay attention to your body language. Don’t appear to be ready to start a boxing match. Don’t cross your legs, arms or clench fists. Stand in a relaxed position and give each other your personal space. Don’t raise your hands or start pointing at each other.
Lesson 2: How to Win an Argument on the Internet
(by Pam Hartley)
Engaging in arguments on the internet has been a favorite American pastime ever since the Internet started. You can win your argument with facts, with logic, with common sense, and you can even have a little fun and use humor to win an argument on the internet. There’s a great internet cartoon that shows a guy sitting at his computer typing away frantically. His wife is in the background, saying, “Honey? Are you coming to bed?” and he replies, “I can’t! Someone is WRONG on the Internet!”
Keep your emotional distance. One of the keys to winning any argument is to prevent the other guy from getting to you. If you stay calm, cool, and collected, you’ll drive your opponent crazy.
Stick with the original argument. It’s a common tactic for those coming from weak positions to try to change the argument parameters in mid-discussion. Don’t fall for it. Firmly refuse to follow the tangent and hammer away at your original point.
Use humor to win an argument. Gentle teasing, especially combined with keeping your emotional distance as outlined in Step One, is extremely effective. Nobody likes to feel foolish, and many people do not take well to being teased and will simply blow up, which destroys their credibility.
By the same token, if you are the one teased, roll with it and stay calm. Meeting humor with humor will make that tactic a draw when your opponent tries to use teasing against you.
Let your opponent get in the last word – if you have to. The last person to post isn’t necessarily the winner in an argument on the internet, so don’t fall into the trap of feeling you must have the last word. If you have made all your points, you can leave your opponent’s last (and possibly foolish) remarks just sitting there and the result will be his loss, not yours.
Lesson 3: How to Win Every Time (by drking)
Tired of yelling and screaming in an argument just to end up losing? If you are like most people, you get into arguments all the time. Your arguments probably are over some of the most ridiculous subjects, such as whether or not you took out the trash; whose turn it is to walk the dog; why you wasn’t there at time or whatever… Take a look at these few tips and have fun!
Stay focused on the person and their feelings, not yours. While this seems to be against every arguing technique you have ever heard, it works. Repeat their points back to them and how it makes them feel. People usually argue from an emotional standpoint. By reiterating what a person says, you will find that they become less defensive and more open to questioning their view. People like to feel like they have been heard and understood.
Don’t try to be right but instead aim to win. You don’t have to be right to win an argument. All you have to do is show that you are being fair and have a stronger, more supported argument than the other side.
Don’t attack. Attacking someone during an argument will only make them more defensive. The only thing that this will accomplish is the person not listening to you. When someone attacks you, just try to deflect it. By not reacting to their argument you can cause them to question their stance on the topic.
Live with resistance. You are bound to experience resistance when you argue. This is due to the other person believing that they can attack you until you either back down, or attack them back. Don’t get baited into these arguments. They are simply looking for an emotional response. Arguing against a person is who is emotional and irrational is pointless.
Whether you are right or not doesn’t make any difference to the person arguing with you. Tell them to get therapy and move along. Ok, don’t do that but you get my point.
You now have more tools in your arsenal that will help you to win more arguments. Just remember not every battle is worth fighting, nor is every argument worth arguing over.
Lesson 4: How to Diffuse an Argument (by lilvani)
Everyone argues, it’s the outcome of the argument that makes the difference on whether there will continue to be a relationship or not. How do you diffuse an argument? Here is how!
Things You’ll Need:
*to be humble
*consideration for the other person
You cannot get over an argument if you are still upset. Take some time to yourself and ask the other person to do the same.
Once you feel calm and are able to think clearly think about what it is that you were arguing about, what points you want to get across, how that person hurt you or upset you and how can you express yourself without attacking the other person or coming across as judgmental or offensive.
Give the other person a chance to explain themselves as well, without interrupting. Allow them to go first and ask for the same respect in return.
If one of you starts to get upset again STOP talking and take another break until you are ready to continue. If you are the one who lit the spark then try to reword what you said so that you do not offend the person again. If they are the one who upset you then explain that it was offensive and ask that they find another way of putting it.
Find common ground. You may not agree with each others opinions but agree to disagree and move on.
Forgive and forget. Learn from this experience and don’t make the same mistake twice.
Lesson 5: How to Diffuse an Argument, part II
(by Janet Jord)
Nobody likes an argument… well, near nobody likes in fact to lose on an argument. Feeding into the argument never pays off and neither does ignoring it. These arguments are particularly awful when they are with someone you love.
Try to hear out what the other person has to say. Don’t interrupt them or roll your eyes. Listen! Even if you don’t like what you’re hearing.
Explain your views on the subject in a respectable way with a calm voice. This may be incredibly difficult but if you feel strongly enough to argue, then you obviously want to be heard. It’s in your best interest to behave maturely when you wish to be heard.
End the argument with “I’m really sorry”, “I Love You”, “Ok, maybe we can try at your way” etc. And mean it! Saying it sweetly, showing that you care about the other. Look them in the eyes when you say it. Maybe even apologize for not agreeing but let them know you love them. They may still stammer and seem grumpy but something inside is guaranteed to melt. Not just in them, either. In you as well.
Lesson 6: How to Use Humor to Stop an Argument
Sometimes the air gets so tense you feel uncomfortable. In these awkward moments, you can use your humor to diffuse the situation and stop an argument in progress.
Use sarcastic humor to stop an argument. If you find yourself in a heated debate about a sensitive topic, say something outlandish that’ll be taken as a joke. If you bring some light-hearted humor to the subject, you can continue the debate, but leave out the arguing.
Wait for a break in the argument, and bring up a silly story or anecdote from your day. It’ll throw the arguers off, and it may bring some laughs. Either way, it’ll help to diffuse the uncomfortable tension.
Go back to your younger days. Throw out popular phrases from the school yard. Use phrases like “nuh-uh”, “I know you are, but what am I?” and everyone’s favorite, “I’m rubber you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you”.
Laugh at yourself, and use that as the subject of a joke or humor to stop the argument. When you find yourself arguing tooth and nail about something ridiculous, like your wife burning the toast, call yourself on it.
Know your audiences before you try to use humor to stop an argument. If you are surrounded by your stodgy in-laws, you may want to steer clear of base humor. On the other hand, if you know everyone present would enjoy a little bathroom humor or fifth grade humor, and then let it rip.
Try physical humor to stop an argument. Drop something, fall, spill food or drinks on or throw something to lighten the mood.
Note: those tips coming from articles
published on “How To Do Just About Everything”
its a interesting website, be curious and
take a look there you too.