Letters to him | part IX


I wrote about pain and suffering for too long, because those were the only feelings I was used to feel.
I dreamt about a future filled with love and happiness, because those were the things I thought I’d never have.
I watched romantic movies and listened to love songs, hoping that I would have something similar to them.
Waiting, hoping and dreaming was all I did all my life.
Crying, cutting, hurting, bleeding were the only actions I knew how to do well.
But as I waited my hope faded.
As I waited my heart became cold and used to the loneliness.
As I waited I started to lose my dreams…
The dreams I had were slowly fading away into the forgetfulness, I fell myself more and more into a hole and started to not care about anything.
But then…
Then you came.
You came into my life as a familiar face, as a friend of a friend that I’d never known.
You seemed shy, but not too much.
You were open, but not too sharing.
You were kind but not too giving.
You were secretive with your actions, but your eyes told me a lot.
You were respectful, but still you gave me what I wanted in the first night.
You held me close, but not too tight.
You kept me away, but within reach of hands.
You studied me, in each word and each move that I’ve done since then.
You got to know me, as I was trying to teach you well.
Anyway, I think we have been doing better and better each time.
Since I only knew pain that was what was familiar to me.
You’re my harbor, my light, my sign of happiness and that kinda scare me sometimes.
I knew that I would give myself to you fully, because I trusted you, even before I’ve met you.
It was crazy I know…
I always knew I would love you, love you till the end.
Because I was read, I was waiting for someone like you during all my existence…
And you just came, with a cute smile on your face, with your sweet words and your warm heart.
I am glad and I just love the way as we accepted each other into our lives,
The way as we missed each other after 5 minutes of being away…
Now we are about to be together again, countdown.
Although you are with me all the time.
Me, the girl who only knew loneliness and pain, the girl who thought that warmth would only come from family and close friends, is now completely crazy in love.
Is now not so scared of being hurt because nothing matters, but you…
Nothing matters but your hands in mine,
Nothing matters but passion that we have, the fun we enjoy in secret, our inside jokes…
Nothing matters but your sweet voice…
Nothing matters but you keeping me warm and safe while I sleep close to you…
Nothing matters but the way you make me feel alive.
Nothing matters but the feelings I have for you!
You are the one who makes me smile, the one that gives me hope every morning,
You are the one that makes me strive, the one that I push myself hard extracting my best.
Isn’t easy all the time, but I try.
You are my reason, my being…
You made this girl smile even though she has deep cuts in her soul…
You taught this girl what means to be loved, what means to be happy…
You taught this girl that life worth living!
Thank you “my babe” for all those things you don’t understand…
I really thank you my one and only.

only you are capable of make me truly happy as I never was before

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