Friday, December 30th, 2011 @04:34:27
A boy just like all the boys before
I finally get that G.N.B is not “the one”.
I should have known a while ago that our relationship was already over.
But I’d chosen to fight blindly and I proudly did that till the day I could.
I fought hard, I fought beyond my limits, I fought till the end for a love that I used to believe on, for a love that he used to make me feel.
And only God and I know about the shit I’d to get through and all the demons I’d to fight all alone just to be with this boy! Because that’s what love is about, you do whatever it takes to stay close to the person you love without measure the consequences… You just want them to be happy and seeing them happy makes you happy too. And then love grows…
(well I’d thought it would work this way but I was a fool and then he took me for granted).
I changed my entire life because of him and for nothing in return but illusions followed by the biggest heartache and disappointment I’ve ever had.
Not that I completely regret though, we had our good moments and I am truly grateful for the things that only we know, I am grateful about the way that only him could make me feel and the things he taugh me but I will not deny that I expected more from him. I expected at least for him to not being so dick and for so long… (he played bad with me for months but it actually was my fault as I should have quit much earlier… well, anyways it’s January 19th, 2012 and the words “we should broke up” came to light via email and now it’s here too).
A man that seemed to be so especial, a man that easily got from me a part that has had no other, but nonetheless, ended up being nothing…
And it’s sad coming to terms that he will be possibly remembered forever this way – a boy just like all the boys before.
I wish things were different.
But he deliberately aimed for that.
He broke me putting me on my knees… He ignored me as no one else have ever done still I was always there for him.
I’m hurt and I will not play the victim on the situation surely my heart’s still wishing for him, but I just can’t and won’t keep lowering my standards because of someone that clearly doesn’t worth it and honestly this “love” is becoming literally too pricey.
I already hit the ground and I’m not willing to start digging.
This torture must stop! I can’t allowed myself being treated like shit because deep down I know that I deserve better than this.
So for this reason I say that I’m officially done with him;
I’m done because he’s no longer the same man I fell in love with;
I’m done because there’s no love left;
I’m done because he just don’t care anymore;
I’m done because I still have some respect for both of us;
I’m done because someone has to say it!
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I know at times I will miss him, but I think this time won’t hurt as much as last, the feeling is already numb… And this time, I am content with the choice I made, actually happy with it. I’m excited for 2012.
I’ve learned a lot through this but mostly I’ve learned to be true to myself and never settle for less because I know that I always deserve more!
So , it’s time to truly let him go and give us both the opportunities to find the “more” I keep saying I want.
Boy, I wish you the best of luck. Don’t you worry I will be happy without you.
your eternal GG