Posts Tagged ‘2011’

2012: We’re almost there!

December 31, 2011

5…4…3…2…1…GO!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Years always come and go, and this time I specially wish you a double dose of whatever you’ve wished for me!

.

+365 days to go…

deal?

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Letters to them… | part IV

December 30, 2011

Friday, still December 2011 @03:25:11
To: my dearest ex-ex-ex-boyfriend also now ex-friend Diego.

I am sorry things between us did not work out how either of us would have preferred.
I know breaking ties is difficult, at least for me, but there are some differences that over time cannot be worked through, and some choices that cannot be taken back.
I am sorry that I cannot be the kind of friend you were expecting me to become.
I am sorry for the harsh words I sent you last night via IM.
I am truly sorry if I was always a way too practical with you.
And I am sorry for the shortest “goodbye” I’ve ever said…
We’ve tried too hard keep being friends and you should know that I’m glad it worked almost perfectly for many years.
But things are too different now…
It’s pointless to insist. I’m changed, and that is why I’m placing myself out of your life.
I can’t afford certain things and keep chasing people is something I’m determinate to stop doing.
So sorry to start with you though…
Perhaps in the future we might have our paths crossed once again, who knows but now I want you to realise that it’s going to be for the better.
Nevertheless, I’m thankful for everything since the day I met you on the Universaty Lab earlier 2003 but mainly I am thankful for the things you taught me along these years.
You taught me (and it seems finally to be learned) that I should follow my mind and not follow what I simply feel for others.
You taught me that trust is not something to throw around.
You taught me to be reserved.
You taught me that I should not try to forge or save relationships of any kind.
And the most important thing you have taught me was that bottling up emotions is the safest route.
(…)
Well, if you ever come across this letter, I am uncertain that you will but if you do, please accept my apologies.
I hope you live a great life, I hope you fight your demons and find all the happiness you deserve.

Sincerely,
Penguin, the only ex-girlfriend that you’ve had.

7 years later

December 29, 2011

And it will be forever until the end of yesterday.
Thank you for such wonderful time!

too much to enjoy, so little time…

Twenty secrets I’m willing to share

December 27, 2011

– I’m bisexual, yes I like being with boys and girls equally.
– I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I’m fine with that.
– I do drugs (sporadically) and my family knows that.
– I lie a lot and I’m pretty damn good at.
– Sometimes I purge/starve myself because the idea of getting fat freaks me out.
– I enjoy good porn.
– I often talk with strangers about everything and nothing.
– I’m fearless, I do EPIC SHIT and I feel proud most of time.
– Make up sex is awesome!
– It usually takes me ages to hate somebody but once it’s done it’s like FOREVER.
– I do shortcuts in life and I normally do not rationalise the consequences.
– I copy others as it please me.
– Sometimes I forget of having shower.
– I’m a bit stingy.
– I’m constantly planning revenge.
– I’m a over thinker and overreact to basically everything.
– I always forget names but not faces.
– I enjoy being in pain, it makes me feel alive.
– I’m addicted to internet and my favourite sport is arguing.
– I don’t believe in God but I accept the existence of Devil.

I’M NOT PERFECT AND IT’S PERFECTLY FINE!

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img via Tumblr

Letters to him… | part XIV

December 27, 2011

Sunday, December 4, 2011 @17:18:01
To: My dear boyfriend.

I miss you every day. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you at least once. The smallest things remind me of you.
I wish there was something I could do to change this situation we’re now.
I wish you could realize that what we have is something and that it’s still worth fighting for.
I don’t quite know if there is any good in all this shit we’ve been through…
(I hope so)
All I know is that I would do anything in my power to get along with our plans.
I won’t give up on “us”.
But I want you to be happy and I also want you to know that if you ever find yourself missing me, I am here and I always will be.
I honestly don’t know what is happening now, but I will always want you.

Yours,
GG

My heart is yours but from now on I will keep it safe…

Letters I’ll never send | See you soon

December 23, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011
To: the best boyfriend at the time (and not that ‘best’ after all)

G.N.B., you are annoying, stubborn, self righteous, self pitying, infuriating, extremely jealous, complicated, sometimes too girly and an utter pain in my ass, but I love you.
I love the way you smile; the way you rub your hand through your hair when you’re nervous; the way you tell me stories with utter excitement; the way you laugh; the way you get angry; the way you speak; the way you slightly walk like a duck when you wear shorts and flip flops; the way you would do that thing with your face when I say something ridiculous or while explaining me that word I didn’t knew.
I love your kindness, your strength, your dedication and even your “I just don’t care.”
I love that you make me laugh so hard I cry.
I love the way you look at me and say “You’re gooooorgeous.”
I love the way we sit in each others company in content silence for hours.
I love our walks along the canal during the weekends.
I love that you keep the stupid things I give to you.
I love that you don’t know how perfect you are.
I love that you cover me with a blanket when I’m sleeping.
I love the sounds you make over the night.
I love that no matter how much time we spend apart and whomever we see in-between, everything always falls perfectly back in place.
I love that I know you are in my future.
I love that I love you.
But mostly I love that when I leave and am a thousand miles away from you that you never said goodbye… only “see you soon”.

Cx

Letters to Myself

December 20, 2011

Dear future me,
I will not deny that I’m quite confused about your future…
However I just wanted to say that whatever happens you’ll still have a way of fixing things.
There is always a way! You just need to calm down and see things get sorted out.
I believe in your high potential to make up things once again.
Don’t give up.
I trust you to make us happy!

Sincerely,
the old you

That's the idea, not the ideal.

Letters to him… | part XII

December 19, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011 @19:59:56
To: The Boy I thought would make me believe in love.

I miss the way that we were so crazy about each other.
And I miss the normality that we never had in our long distance relationship.
I know you still love me but there’s something jaded about the way you treat me now. And there’s something in our conversations that keeps us from saying everything that we’d like to.
Being honest I don’t know if it’ll ever get that good again, I thought you only had hurt my pride but again you fucking broke my heart, too.
Nevertheless the only thing I know is that to me there’s no one like you and that I will love you until I can say no more…
I truly believe that we were meant for each other although nowadays it’s sadly clear that the glue we’d just didn’t stick anymore.
Oh boy, I wish I could make everything alright.
Our love used to be so strong that we felt each other’s love even being miles away from each other.
Whatever I wish you knew how much time I spend thinking about you. And how much time and effort I put in my days thinking of things to do to get “us” back together because I still believe that someday, somehow we will be happy together again.
I wish life had a fast-forward button…

I HATE DISTANCE AND WHAT IT DOES TO US.

Forever yours,
GG

#homesick

No regrets

December 15, 2011

“So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

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Right measure

December 15, 2011

There are things we hardly forget.
People we think are easily replaceable.
Relationships we throw away because we think it’s not worth our time and effort.
Then there are those that we can’t let go at all, no matter how bad the memories were. We hang on to them because when all is said and done, when people finally left and relationships weaken, memories are all we would ever have.
But life is all about balance.
Too much and too little can hurt.
The best way to balance life is by setting your boundaries in learning to say enough.
Although, sometimes we keep going back to the one thing we need to get away from…

One day

December 15, 2011

I want you to look back and miss me.
Miss everything that we experienced, everything we’ve been through.
I want to stand out in your mind.
And although I told everyone that we would always be together, I know eventually we won’t.
But as long as I was the one that changed you, I know it will all be worth it.
In the end, everything is perfect.
I want you to look back and miss me.
And one day, you will.

I’m not like anyone you’ve ever known and maybe that scares you a little bit. Because here you are, with me, a girl that actually cares for you, and for once in your life, you don’t know how to deal with that taking this for granted…

#Please

December 13, 2011

just let me take care of your wounds…

this may not be enough but at least I’m trying to

Welcome December!

December 1, 2011

I guess I’m back to my normal so please be good to me.

thanks

Day Twenty Nine

March 14, 2011

Dear diary I’m glad that another Monday is about to finish since I do not know what else to do with my problems… Everyday some new trouble pops up in my life: visa, flat, bank, friends and more…
Well, 2011 isn’t my lucky year so far!
I know that some of my actions are contradicted by my thoughts. Yes, most of the time I’m fooling myself, which is really sad but it’s true.
However, I wish I could scream and cry out loud with all the breathe in my lungs but deep inside it wouldn’t change anything as the mess is now complete but especially because as of now I have decided to act as an adult. It is predictable to turn cold, boring, impartial just like adults are and I do apologise in advance for it.
Probably some of my “no words” are hiding my feelings but who actually cares about them right?! I don’t even know what they mean but I’m willing myself to quit with this whole drama. Exactly, there’s no reason to deny anymore that I’ve reached the end of the line regarding lots of things and it definitely includes Italy and everything I left behind.
I’m pretty much mentally and physically exhausted to keep fighting a battle that is already lost…
Some people have got surprised when I insist by saying that I’m okay, that I don’t need any kind of help; because being very rational I don’t want to get hurt more than I already am, I don’t want to expect anything from anyone, not anymore. I did once and it’s really frustrating!
(…)
So after all I will keep lying to myself millions of times, just for now, trying to desperately look a bit convincing enough to get through all of this shit or at least outwit lots of attention from those who I don’t want to have in my way!

Ps: Bullshit should be massively forbidden on blogs!!!

unfortunately I forgot to turn on the H2O…

Now I’m ready!

January 25, 2011

Hello there. I’m back! I know, it’s been a while… but my absence wasn’t a choice. From my side I’ve missed you all, although I’m not so sure if you noticed I wasn’t here or if you even missed me at all, but it’s all fine.

Well I don’t know where I should start this post, but I might just put it all together, short and in one…

A new whole year has just started.
So far everything seems to be in the right place this time, even though I do not believe very much in “right & wrong”.
Anyway, many things are still going to change, some others have already changed for the better and a few others remain the same as before, as it should be. I’m still living and working in Milan, the city that I chose to call my “home” at least during the past two years and a bit… Since November last year I’m living for the very first time in an apartment on my own. My flat is about 30m2, and is just beautiful and located in a good area of town, near the centre. And now I finally have everything I need, and that includes even the Internet! Being very honest with myself, it is definitely priceless that I can do whatever I want whenever I decide to!
Whoop!

Regarding my professional life, I am still on the same road. I’m still being a type of freelancer for the Fashion business, and from time to time I also work for a Photographic Studio, which is nice. I have my fabulous agenda with so many contacts and that’s what keeps me safe while I’m here. By the way, I have decided to finally start my “camera collection” and I already have 5 old cameras plus my precious Nikon D5000 (useless information, sorry about that. Wasn’t my intention to make you jealous).
Whatever, I think I’m doing very well and much better than last year, in the same season when everything was so unclear to me… Life is still uncertain, but now I know much more about my potential to “get what I want”. I really believe in the power of words and I’m sure that I was born to be and make people around me happy! I have no limits as I take every obstacle as a lesson. Of course I still have my flaws, I still make people cry, and obviously I am still getting hurt by that, but come on, the little “Me” without defects and flaws is as boring as any other normal girl and honestly I do not want to be like everyone else!
Let me see what else I can say here….
Well, a few months ago I found out that I’m going to be an A-U-N-T-I-E and that’s amazing, I mean, pretty new for me! My sister is pregnant (about 13 weeks now), my family is getting bigger and I’m so proud of them! But still I’m living my life abroad and I will not deny that I feel a little bit guilty about my “eternal absence”… I hope that somehow they understand my decision to pursue happiness this far from home. I really wish I could be there when the new baby is born, although I’ll be there in August for my birthday so not too bad and this time I’m not going back to Brazil alone! I feel very lucky to have my boyfriend going there with me, and perhaps this time I will not feel so lost. Fingers crossed…
Now talking about my dear boyfriend…It is still the same one I had last year and luckily we are becoming stronger than ever, building our solid relationship that has just passed its first anniversary! Who knew I was able to handle that for so long but the more time passes, the more we know what we want for the future. So I am positive that this time I’m not throwing away my youth or simply wasting my time with someone that doesn’t deserve my best, even when we are separated by miles. Everybody knows that he isn’t close to me all the time (physically speaking) but whenever I need him, he is the first to stand and be ready for me. He has been not only the love of my life, but he is also my best friend, and this is perfect because we can count on each other more than 100%. Of course we both have our “periods”, with ups and downs, but we’re doing very well with our relationship, even with these setbacks. And I really hope that this year I will be able to visit him more than I have done in the past.
Yet looking back in time, I venture to say that 2010 was a good year, but very strange in general. 2010 for me was full of ups and downs, victories and defeats, all or nothing but at the same timeI’m grateful, regardless of what happened, for what I have.
Now I am wishing for a wonderful 2011, full of new goals and a bit closer to those I care for the most, family, friends and the love of my life!

Cheers everyone! I’m ready, who’s coming with me?

Yeah, Yeah!