Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend’

Letters to him… | part XIV

December 27, 2011

Sunday, December 4, 2011 @17:18:01
To: My dear boyfriend.

I miss you every day. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you at least once. The smallest things remind me of you.
I wish there was something I could do to change this situation we’re now.
I wish you could realize that what we have is something and that it’s still worth fighting for.
I don’t quite know if there is any good in all this shit we’ve been through…
(I hope so)
All I know is that I would do anything in my power to get along with our plans.
I won’t give up on “us”.
But I want you to be happy and I also want you to know that if you ever find yourself missing me, I am here and I always will be.
I honestly don’t know what is happening now, but I will always want you.


My heart is yours but from now on I will keep it safe…

Letters I’ll never send | See you soon

December 23, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011
To: the best boyfriend at the time (and not that ‘best’ after all)

G.N.B., you are annoying, stubborn, self righteous, self pitying, infuriating, extremely jealous, complicated, sometimes too girly and an utter pain in my ass, but I love you.
I love the way you smile; the way you rub your hand through your hair when you’re nervous; the way you tell me stories with utter excitement; the way you laugh; the way you get angry; the way you speak; the way you slightly walk like a duck when you wear shorts and flip flops; the way you would do that thing with your face when I say something ridiculous or while explaining me that word I didn’t knew.
I love your kindness, your strength, your dedication and even your “I just don’t care.”
I love that you make me laugh so hard I cry.
I love the way you look at me and say “You’re gooooorgeous.”
I love the way we sit in each others company in content silence for hours.
I love our walks along the canal during the weekends.
I love that you keep the stupid things I give to you.
I love that you don’t know how perfect you are.
I love that you cover me with a blanket when I’m sleeping.
I love the sounds you make over the night.
I love that no matter how much time we spend apart and whomever we see in-between, everything always falls perfectly back in place.
I love that I know you are in my future.
I love that I love you.
But mostly I love that when I leave and am a thousand miles away from you that you never said goodbye… only “see you soon”.


That is it…

November 16, 2011

I always thought my last public post would be something great, full of meaning etc.
Ha! typical… I guess I was wrong!
The truth is that Twitter is causing me troubles, WordPress is causing me troubles too, Facebook, Tumblr, Posterous, Google+ and so on… So, well, seems that I must get over this shit for a while otherwise I won’t be able to save the “us” that still left between my boyfriend and I.
Of course I’m not going to be such an idiot to shutdown my public profiles but I will keep things quiet, I will keep thoughts and comments to myself because there’s nothing that I want more than put things back on track and set them happily in stone once for all as it’s clear for me that I do love him.
So I am happy to announce that this is done!

I’ve made my choice and my choice is to do whatever is possible to make us happy, because G.N.B. happy is Carol happy and vice-versa!

Day Thirty Three | Letters to him part X

March 18, 2011

And tonight is the night where I will not be lying beside your body, tonight is the night where destiny decided to press “PAUSE” on our love and put another bump on the path… tonight is the night that I will start again another countdown to be with you again.
I will miss everything about London.
Thank you is nothing but mediocre after all you did for (and to!) me…
Love, life, future, a place to stay and much more you gave to me without even thinking twice, without demanding anything in return except me as I am.
I miss you already my lovely British heart and the worst is that we haven’t kissed goodbye yet…
I will pray for patience, I will pray for us…
And after all we lived together over the past 5 weeks I made a promise to myself, nothing will change the dreams I have with you, nothing or nobody will stop me seeking for you anywhere I go… No one will replace you inside my heart.
I promise you!


Day Twenty something

March 13, 2011

It’s Sunday and it has been seven days already without publishing anything… My apologies for my absence but I had a tough week, problems and more complications have been filling my days. I wish not but unfortunately it’s true, I’ve been dealing with so many issues and over the past month my life has become upside down and inside out. Luckily weekends are usually good even though I’m feeling extremely sleepy.
Ready to read about my week backwards? I hope so…

Sunday: today I woke up early but I was able to enjoy a lazy morning in bed with G.N.B., lots of hugs and kisses and something else was allowed. I wish all my mornings was just like the one I had, but maybe in the future. Then we had some breakfast and right after that we cleaned the flat. Plans for the day, well just do nothing! The weather was miserable so no visit to Kew Gardens, what a pity! Late afternon we enjoyed bed and then we went for a walk along the canal. Now he is preparing a delicious dinner just for us and maybe in a bit we will go to The Weir…
Saturday: we woke up early too and every sound was too loud, everything was too bright, awful physical sensation but emotionally feeling great despite the body limitations… Whatever, even hungover we were out of bed before 9am ready for a busy morning seeing flats on sale and it was amazing, I quite love to feel like we are planning our future together! After seeing 2 of the 4 flats we both were craving for a bacon sandwich to cure a bit of our hangover feelings and it worked quite well! During the afternoon we chilled on the sofa while watching the Rugby and then some Tv Shows we both follow like House and V. Around 5pm we went for walk in Syon Park. Lovely place, no ending fields, very quiet with a stunning river at the end – simply perfect! Before going back home we went to the supermarket, very quickly just to buy vanilla ice cream and sparkling water. Yummy! Our evening was watching more Tv Shows and movies with pizza and ice cream (of course not mixed!). Before 11pm I was dead, very sleepy, ready for bed. What a fat day I had and I didn’t feel guilty at all!
Friday: Exactly one month ago I remember coming to London just for the weekend but then I’m still here since that. So 30 days sharing my life and problems with my boyfriend, 30 days full of ups and downs, 30 days completely dependent on others! Anyway life is a mess but the show must go on… My day wasn’t interesting at all, I was still feeling sick from yesterday but not because I’ve been drinking every day (which in some ways is true but just a bit) anyway, I was feeling sick because my body decided to after so much stress, so I spent my whole day in bed. I cried in the morning while speaking on the phone with my manager regarding problems with my Bank account. Fifty percent of what he said made sense but the other fifty percent was completely insane! Hello I’m abroad and the last thing I deserve at the moment is to stay without my money!!! The problem happened just because they thought it would be safe to block my cards till they check with me if the transactions I’ve been doing were really correct… Cool, I hate them! Friday night we went to The Weir for massive drinks with Jenna and Rob. I loved to met them, she is lovely and we chatted for ages, I’m really glad that we match perfectly! Rob is funny, and we laughed for hours before we were kicked out and of course everybody was drunk, I mean very happy. Time for bed and forgetting about the world…
Thursday: was also hellish, I spent my morning sick and on Skype with a friend tying to help him while he was packing some of my stuff to send me here. Imagine someone lazy, uncoordinated and too busy to finish what he had started. Voilà, these are my friends in Italy but before I start to complain about them I think it would be better if I keep my thoughts just to myself… Then in the afternoon my package was supposed to be delivered via courier but hell there’s no reason to rush right, so it was postponed until the day after. Fantastic, now I pray to God to receive this in time. My night was a bit better, boyfriend home early, supermarket, yummy dinner and then drinks at The Weir. (No reasons to feel like an alcoholic right?! Just drinks almost every night…) Anyway, what a trick my night ended as a hellishly, the problem with my bank started around 23h while I tried to get some cash and of course I went to bed crying because just not for the fact I wasn’t successful but especially because my money had dissapeared from my internet bank! Really cool uhum?!
Wednesday: was “normal”, grey weather, just chilling at home but without so many problems to fix which was okay. During the afternoon Sophie and I made some delicious cupcakes, chocolate flavour, marshmallows and lemon stars on the top! Was really good to chat with her and the sweets were really delicious! Yummy! In the evening I went to the train station to collect my lovely boyfriend then some Tv Shows on the sofa with him, pizza and the whole night just for us. I really like nights like that!
Tuesday: was good fun, G. and I took the train together in the morning, he went to work at the office and I spent my morning in Starbucks doing some research about schools. We had lunch together and after that I went to visit 03 different schools. Well only 33.33333333333333% of my visits were successeful. The Malvern House was the only one I could perfectly picture myself studying in; the other two The Willians College and The English Studio I swear that my first impression was turn around and start to run, which was confirmed after I’d spoken with the staff! Too old, too weird, too disorganized, not interesting at all, too common from my point of view! I might be wrong but my feelings didn”t trust them even a bit.
Finally my rewind finishes on Monday, lovely weather, sunshine, warm wind with blue sky… Lazy morning, hugs and kisses while being his little spoon. He went to work aroung midday I met him for lunch before I started my school hunting. On my schedule during the afternoon was The International House and the Oxford House College. I’m getting used to walk around London on my own, the tube system is fabulous and I cannot wait to be living here after the Summer! Was really easy to find the addresses and I will not deny that I fell in love with the Ih even before I got onto the campus!!! Amazing glass building, located in a great area, fantastic atmosphere inside the school, friendly staff, everything clean and new, high level of prestige and during my tour everybody was very professional and kind. The only problem I see is that it will cost me lots. OUSH! More than 4.000,00£ for a 24 week course but if I get the rest of the money requested I will enrol for classes there without thinking twice! Almost the same happened with the Oxford House College, they really looked very professional, the campus is also located in a good area, also easy to find, Starbucks nearby (awesome), staff not too friendly but very professional, useful while giving me information. If I want I can book a trial class for free just to get a feeling for the teaching, check out their methodologies which will definitely help me in my evaluation of the schools. Their prices were okay, not as expensive as the Ih but also not as cheap as the others. I will keep them in mind for sure! I did two test levels and to my surprise my level is higher than I’d thought! Then I met G. near the office, we talked about our journeys before we took the train back home to have dinner with Sophie and his father. After that a quick jump to The Weir for drinks and more talk.

Well basically that was my crazy week and I still have another five days to get the best of London as I really want to restart my life here… Now without further ado I finish this post with my new mantra “I might be lost but I’m not alone!” so I just need to truly believe that everything will be sorted out and that there will be a future waiting for us.

@Syon Park

Day Nineteen

March 6, 2011

Quiet day on my own…just some cleaning, preparing the flat for G.’s arrival.
I did some vaccuming and ironing of his shirts, almost a perfect “house cleaning”.
Well, I will not pronounce about my up’s and down’s during the journey as now everything is alright again.
So in the evening I prepared dinner for him. Impressive, it was delicious! We had rice, cubes of fried chicken with pine nuts and mashed potatoes.
However, I’m glad we are still planning to live together…
During our dinner I told him about my weekend with his parents, then he told me about his trip, we catch up and right after that we had a moment just for us, which was amazing as usual. I love that every time we get better and better…
Anyway both of us now are tired and yes we already set up our “agenda” for tomorrow but tomorrow will be a new day and I don’t want to think about it now, it will be a surprise (luckily in a good way).
Good night Sunday.

Day Eighteen

March 6, 2011

Firstly I have no words to express how glad I’m for being here. More than never I’m convinced that God moves in a mysterious way… Definitely I was really needing to have a break, change the scenary you know, and staying in Malmesbury since last Wednesday evening till tonight was very refreshing! Of course that I haven’t ignored completely of all those things that I still have to solve in Italy but was possible to slow down a bit with everything.
So today was our last day in the countryside before we go back to London and during my stay with boyfriend’s parents I’ve made sure that I was offering the best of me and probably also getting the best of them!
I have been talking a lot with Tricia (boyfriend’s mother – yes, most of the time we are close to each other); today his brother and sister was more comfortable with my presence which means that we could also chat and laught a lot, and we all are planning to do something together during the summer, which sounds very exciting! Go to the chalet in Rosswald, the summer music festival in Nyon, Malmesbury again and so many other options…
Unfortunately the weather wasn’t so good during the whole day was very windy, cloudy and grey so after the lunch I  just helped them with a few things in the house.
The way back on the motorway was good and we didn’t take too long on our return. Loud and good music inside the car, another good surprise! Then just after our arrival we went downstairs for dinner and of course some wine!
I still have to wait about 18 hours from now before my boyfriend back to town but that’s perfectly fine because after these 3 and a half incredible days spent with his family I have no doubt about where I want to be. Yes, I already pressume where my future will lead me in a couple of years ahead and I’m not afraid of it, not at all, not anymore.
So thanks “dear Universe” for having shown me the right way to go.

Day Sixteen

March 4, 2011

My day started early, at 8h30 in Malmesbury.
Then I had a lovely breakfast with Greg’s parents. I’m spending a long weekend on the countryside with his parents, which will be good for everybody:
– boyfriend having some time on his own in Switzerland;
– girlfriend getting even more comfortable with boyfriend’s family;
– parents knowing more and more about me.

During the afternoon his mommy and I went to Bath, for a walk, some coffee and lunch. The best part ever was having a “girls conversation” with his mommy. After that, she went to visit a friend and I went on The Fashion Museum and it was absolutly amazing!
It’s now about 22h30 and so far, so good!
We’ve just had some red wine during the dinner and seriously, I really like them! The more we spend time together, the more naturally we act.
As his daddy said “jokes are allowed”


Day Fifteen

March 3, 2011

Quiet day, not too many things to be done after all.

I had a look at prices for flights back to Brazil and yes they are very expensive till the 15th… The positive thing is that on one hand this mean that I’m going to spend a couple of extra days with my boyfriend but on the other hand it sucks because:
1) I have things to do there
he is getting “tired” about having me here…
Boyfriend: “No I’m not!”
Girlfriend: “yes, you’re because every joke has some truth!”
3) all this waiting only make things worse as I’m getting used to being with him so not good at all from my point of view!

Anyway it seems that my family is happy about having me back at least until the end of May (when I’m planning to book my return even though just to spend his birthday here with him)… I already start to send my resume around to find a temporary job as I really need to earn some extra money while I’m there. Friends are talking about parties and stuff…

Me, well I’m still split about staying or going. Believe me my life is not easy at all!

P.s: RALLY-DF on the 20th? Yes, I’m IN!

Day twelve

February 28, 2011

It’s the end of Sunday night, 22h30 local time (UK). A new week is about to start and I’m pretty tired and already sleepy. Some hope is in my soul at the moment.. I’m quite excited looking forward to the future! Future includes boyfriend, new master course, London, maybe New York City in about three years or so… Lots of A and B plans, which is good.
Just a random comment, I cannot remember having so many glasses of good wine and gin in my life before…and to be honest I haven’t decided yet if it’s good or not.
Anyway the weather changes here as the wind blows and the same happens with my mood most of the time… But I think he is getting used to me and we have been doing very well “living together”.
Night night tomorrow a new day is coming.

Day Five

February 20, 2011

It’s Sunday, life sucks…especially when you cannot find any kind of “quick solution” and your head insists on trying to explode every 5 seconds, over and over again… my boyfriend has been helping me and together I know we can fix this… Yeah, together we can accomplish anything!

Day Four

February 19, 2011


daily routine: some tear drops, plus high stress but also lots of hugs and kisses and “us” being very understanding about everything. One of the best things about us?! It is finding a way of making jokes about each other and laughing out loud a lot! Yeah, we’re such a good couple when we are doing this!

Day One

February 16, 2011

“Tomorrow will be better” yes, we need to think positively…

Up in the mountains

February 1, 2011

Was amazing to have spent one long weekend with my boyfriend and his parents in a quiet lovely place. Rosswald in Switzerland (in the Valais region) is definitely beautiful – full of snow, wild life and friendly people! The place is a medium sized ski resort with 6 ski lifts that offers skiers an incredible 1600 metres (5248 feet) of vertical descent in 25km (16 miles) of pistes only a 171km away from Milan – awesome!

Swiss chocolate, cable car, ski, laughs, stars, pine cones, hot drinks, lifts, plenty of snow, fun, falls and of good memories… This time I have nothing to say but was perfectly unforgetable the place where he tooks me to celebrate our first anniversary!

Thanks my love for making my life much more exciting than I ever could have imagined, I love you!

It was the best way to celebrate our 1st anniversary

I loved!

Now I’m ready!

January 25, 2011

Hello there. I’m back! I know, it’s been a while… but my absence wasn’t a choice. From my side I’ve missed you all, although I’m not so sure if you noticed I wasn’t here or if you even missed me at all, but it’s all fine.

Well I don’t know where I should start this post, but I might just put it all together, short and in one…

A new whole year has just started.
So far everything seems to be in the right place this time, even though I do not believe very much in “right & wrong”.
Anyway, many things are still going to change, some others have already changed for the better and a few others remain the same as before, as it should be. I’m still living and working in Milan, the city that I chose to call my “home” at least during the past two years and a bit… Since November last year I’m living for the very first time in an apartment on my own. My flat is about 30m2, and is just beautiful and located in a good area of town, near the centre. And now I finally have everything I need, and that includes even the Internet! Being very honest with myself, it is definitely priceless that I can do whatever I want whenever I decide to!

Regarding my professional life, I am still on the same road. I’m still being a type of freelancer for the Fashion business, and from time to time I also work for a Photographic Studio, which is nice. I have my fabulous agenda with so many contacts and that’s what keeps me safe while I’m here. By the way, I have decided to finally start my “camera collection” and I already have 5 old cameras plus my precious Nikon D5000 (useless information, sorry about that. Wasn’t my intention to make you jealous).
Whatever, I think I’m doing very well and much better than last year, in the same season when everything was so unclear to me… Life is still uncertain, but now I know much more about my potential to “get what I want”. I really believe in the power of words and I’m sure that I was born to be and make people around me happy! I have no limits as I take every obstacle as a lesson. Of course I still have my flaws, I still make people cry, and obviously I am still getting hurt by that, but come on, the little “Me” without defects and flaws is as boring as any other normal girl and honestly I do not want to be like everyone else!
Let me see what else I can say here….
Well, a few months ago I found out that I’m going to be an A-U-N-T-I-E and that’s amazing, I mean, pretty new for me! My sister is pregnant (about 13 weeks now), my family is getting bigger and I’m so proud of them! But still I’m living my life abroad and I will not deny that I feel a little bit guilty about my “eternal absence”… I hope that somehow they understand my decision to pursue happiness this far from home. I really wish I could be there when the new baby is born, although I’ll be there in August for my birthday so not too bad and this time I’m not going back to Brazil alone! I feel very lucky to have my boyfriend going there with me, and perhaps this time I will not feel so lost. Fingers crossed…
Now talking about my dear boyfriend…It is still the same one I had last year and luckily we are becoming stronger than ever, building our solid relationship that has just passed its first anniversary! Who knew I was able to handle that for so long but the more time passes, the more we know what we want for the future. So I am positive that this time I’m not throwing away my youth or simply wasting my time with someone that doesn’t deserve my best, even when we are separated by miles. Everybody knows that he isn’t close to me all the time (physically speaking) but whenever I need him, he is the first to stand and be ready for me. He has been not only the love of my life, but he is also my best friend, and this is perfect because we can count on each other more than 100%. Of course we both have our “periods”, with ups and downs, but we’re doing very well with our relationship, even with these setbacks. And I really hope that this year I will be able to visit him more than I have done in the past.
Yet looking back in time, I venture to say that 2010 was a good year, but very strange in general. 2010 for me was full of ups and downs, victories and defeats, all or nothing but at the same timeI’m grateful, regardless of what happened, for what I have.
Now I am wishing for a wonderful 2011, full of new goals and a bit closer to those I care for the most, family, friends and the love of my life!

Cheers everyone! I’m ready, who’s coming with me?

Yeah, Yeah!