Posts Tagged ‘commitment’

N is for nest

March 6, 2012

The more I get to know him, the more I convince myself that he is as unique and special as I am.
We match perfectly to the point to look at shit through each other’s eyes.
He really understands me and accept my reasons in which I do (did) certain things like no one ever will…
He knows me plain and raw, taking me in full from top to bottom and its reciprocal.
I admire him in basically everything he does and his presence light up just not my day but my life.
This is all new to me and I guess I’ve never felt this way…
The connection we have is impressive, so impressive that seems we are inside of each other’s mind all the time! We communicate through the silence, (not to mention the IT & ENG used) yeah it is all so wonderful and so magical and powerful.
Wow!
I have no words to describe my feelings for him…
And those three little words aren’t good enough to express what we feel.

I know it may sound crazy but this guy and I do believe that “the search” is over. And for this reason, about just a month later, we’ve decided to settle down and in a way I’ve never thought would happen to me any time soon! We are already immensely committed, present and future with him by my side looks so bright and so promising! I feel like on the top of the world and I have no shame to say that I only have reasons to thank God for this blessing. Plus I don’t feel any bad of freely admit that my heart is now totally mended after all and that I am completely ready to embrace with my arms wide open this new relationship.
The truth is that this amazing guy truly wants me as much as I already want him to the point of doing everything to keep me by his side. He’s showing me this in so many different ways, day after day with gestures and kind actions.
We talk openly about everything though what fascinates me most is the fact that we both live for the day and because of it every big step we take feels so damn right like 1+1 = 2!
No regrets are allowed, we have no half measures so it can’t go wrong! I feel like I finally found my little bird and I feel it all just not with my body, I can say that I feel it with my entire soul.
He is all the time in my thoughts. He makes me feel secure and completely free and it’s rare; I don’t feel empty or trapped or blue anymore. With him I can be myself without have to hide my flaws, with him I do not have to worry about a thing because he cares a lot about me, he doesn’t measure efforts to provide me everything I need even regarding my staying on the Schengen area!
This time I am indeed the luckiest girl in the world.
And it’s so beautiful and I so love his gaze and the tone of his voice every time he says “Ciao Carol” or “hey honey, how are you today?”
His smile and the sound of his heart beating next to mine… God, it is one of the best feelings in the world!!!
I fully enjoy his company at any time of my day, from waking up to going to sleep right next to him…

We are more than just great together and that is the reason why I’m so excited about everything!
Spring time is coming soon and YESSS, we are going to build our nest!
A nest where we don’t need to fear the outcome of being ourselves as the way we are.
A nest where we’ll be able to find respect and comfort on each other.
A nest where we can freely play jokes and laugh about silly things.
A nest where communication, trust and honesty are going to be the basis of everything else.
And it’s going to be clean and simple and I pray for it to be far better than ever was because we belong to the same “breed of birds”. I am glad I fell in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time and this is a huge sign that the “meant to be” really exist. Now looking back I fully understand and accept that everything happened for a reason. It’s still kinda odd to think that I moved to Italy sometime in 2008 though just now was that I finally found my Italian guy… Anyways, if I had a chance to change a thing in my past I wouldn’t change anything, because everything that was done brought me somehow towards him.
And everybody knows that I’m not a girl “easy to handle” but this guy is completely able to, he truly inspires me to be the best I can be.
Yes, I have the warmest feelings for him!
FUCK YES I have for him the most sincere 01101100011011110111011001100101 in the universe!

anche io!!!

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Letters to Myself… | part IV

January 25, 2012

Dear future me,

Good luck with dating.
I hope when you have read this you aren’t feeling downtrodden, guilty or lonely anymore just because some asshole mucked things up in your past.
You’re better than that so don’t give a shit for what people’s saying and just carry on distracting yourself.
Do whatever you want to do and with whom you judge worthy of a piece of you!
You know, it might sound rough but I always knew that “monogamy and commitment” wasn’t quite for you…
However I am truly happy to see you taking your chances.
But more than that, I content and proud to see that you leave the past in the past.

– Forgive.
– Forget.
– Move on.

Yeah babe, that’s the way we rule!

xoxo,
the old you

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Cutting the bullshit out

December 7, 2011

     A friend of a good friend recently shared her vision of commitment with the following statement: “the committed should be committed.” Indeed and as a matter of fact, we all have got to take care of our individual life. We’ve got to know long term who we really want as a life companion, lover, best friend, soul and house mate… And finally we’ve got to know how we want to be treated, we’ve to have the control of our own life to then find and/or keep around that special person we care about and that in our opinion just fit in a box regardless of what the others say.

         It took me ages to realise what was wrong but one thing is sure, nobody needs to be 100% attached to someone else to be happy. It’s masochism to suffering or causing pain by this insane idea of happiness is a 24/7 love-attention-care. It’s seriously wrong! So once again I’m enjoying and loving myself at first and this is not a sign of selfishness. It’s a strong sign of self-improvement and maturity instead. Above of all I guess it is me backing to my old-self.  Amen!

      Right now I risk to say I find myself into some kind of “healthy devotion relationship” instead of a “needy sticky one”.  Yes I’m still in a relationship, the same one I’ve been in since the beginning of 2010. People might be wondering and even asking around if G.N.B. and I had split up. Nice try but NO! WE DID NOT SPLIT UP! We’re still as a couple, being boyfriend and girlfriend, and of course into an exclusive relationship! The only thing that’s changed is the fact that now we are living our lives without being so paranoid or jealous with each other. So yes, we go out with other people still we are faithful to each other. We don’t speak everyday still we keep sharing our news regularly. So for the record we are fine, TOGETHER and looking forward to our future plans to become true.

        And despite the distance and sporadic pain in the ass this long distance relationship is I stand where I say: be committed is one of the best things in the world if we are committed to ourselves in first place because nobody can really love someone who doesn’t love yourself starting from that. So in the end I learnt that it is totally fine to sometimes take a step back, slow down a bit and miss the other person, realise what’s wrong and work to fix it. It allow us to make the best decisions for the future. And to me G.N.B. is still perfectly fitting in a box!

Waiting sometimes is necessary. I kinda miss you.

…though nothing best than dedicate myself to being the person I’ve always wanted to be, before I forget who I was.