Posts Tagged ‘G’


December 23, 2011

somewhere between “already too far to give up” though “too tired to carry on”

I dream the dream of you

Letters to him… | part XIII

December 23, 2011

Dear G.,

We haven’t talked normally in over 7 weeks now.
It’s been a long 7 weeks. I don’t know if it’s because of what’s happening in our separated lives or if it’s because of me losing interest after all…
In the past I would really like to find out the answer, though not this time.
This time I’ll just let you do it on your own…
I can’t chase you forever.
I’ve already shown you that I can give you everything in my power to try and make you happy.
Yet it seemed not to be enough.
So, whenever you’re ready, whenever you feel it’s right, talk to me.
You can choose to tell me what’s wrong, or you don’t have to tell me anything as long as we go back to the way we were before.
I miss you.


Letters I’ll never send | See you soon

December 23, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011
To: the best boyfriend at the time (and not that ‘best’ after all)

G.N.B., you are annoying, stubborn, self righteous, self pitying, infuriating, extremely jealous, complicated, sometimes too girly and an utter pain in my ass, but I love you.
I love the way you smile; the way you rub your hand through your hair when you’re nervous; the way you tell me stories with utter excitement; the way you laugh; the way you get angry; the way you speak; the way you slightly walk like a duck when you wear shorts and flip flops; the way you would do that thing with your face when I say something ridiculous or while explaining me that word I didn’t knew.
I love your kindness, your strength, your dedication and even your “I just don’t care.”
I love that you make me laugh so hard I cry.
I love the way you look at me and say “You’re gooooorgeous.”
I love the way we sit in each others company in content silence for hours.
I love our walks along the canal during the weekends.
I love that you keep the stupid things I give to you.
I love that you don’t know how perfect you are.
I love that you cover me with a blanket when I’m sleeping.
I love the sounds you make over the night.
I love that no matter how much time we spend apart and whomever we see in-between, everything always falls perfectly back in place.
I love that I know you are in my future.
I love that I love you.
But mostly I love that when I leave and am a thousand miles away from you that you never said goodbye… only “see you soon”.


Day Eighteen

March 6, 2011

Firstly I have no words to express how glad I’m for being here. More than never I’m convinced that God moves in a mysterious way… Definitely I was really needing to have a break, change the scenary you know, and staying in Malmesbury since last Wednesday evening till tonight was very refreshing! Of course that I haven’t ignored completely of all those things that I still have to solve in Italy but was possible to slow down a bit with everything.
So today was our last day in the countryside before we go back to London and during my stay with boyfriend’s parents I’ve made sure that I was offering the best of me and probably also getting the best of them!
I have been talking a lot with Tricia (boyfriend’s mother – yes, most of the time we are close to each other); today his brother and sister was more comfortable with my presence which means that we could also chat and laught a lot, and we all are planning to do something together during the summer, which sounds very exciting! Go to the chalet in Rosswald, the summer music festival in Nyon, Malmesbury again and so many other options…
Unfortunately the weather wasn’t so good during the whole day was very windy, cloudy and grey so after the lunch I  just helped them with a few things in the house.
The way back on the motorway was good and we didn’t take too long on our return. Loud and good music inside the car, another good surprise! Then just after our arrival we went downstairs for dinner and of course some wine!
I still have to wait about 18 hours from now before my boyfriend back to town but that’s perfectly fine because after these 3 and a half incredible days spent with his family I have no doubt about where I want to be. Yes, I already pressume where my future will lead me in a couple of years ahead and I’m not afraid of it, not at all, not anymore.
So thanks “dear Universe” for having shown me the right way to go.

Day Fourteen

March 1, 2011

It’s time to listen to my heart instead of seeking miracles.
It’s done…
I’m sick of hearing from the others* (please read * as Embassies and Authorities) the same advice* (incorrect information).
If there’s no other way to solve it, so ok I accept the hardest way… and actually this is exactly what my heart has been telling me to do since this afternoon.

I had an important conversation with the most important person in my life and YES, HE IS IN!
So from now besides myself no one else’s opinion matters… My apologies to my friends who think they know how I should feel or what I should do with my life but this is my decision and it will be me who will live with the consequences that my actions will bring.
I’m not feeling unsuccessful but of course all of this has been a bit frustrating. Anyway, I’m going back to where I come from for a  little while but just because I want to be able to go even further with my future. And yes my future includes him!
Funny how things are, nothing happens without a reason and deep inside of me I always knew that love deals with anything even across the ocean.

Well this time I am willing myself to not let it drown or fade away. It will be not easy to carry on fighting for our future but I think we will survive after all. I honestly believe in my feelings for him so I shouldn’t be afraid to jump into this even if to do this it is necessary to stay apart for a short period of time…
I’m gonna stick out the long distance thing, I mean, I will keep myself focused on positive things to raise me up as we both really want it to last forever.
So now it is time to be stronger once again and pass another test.
I’m gonna stop looking at this like a problem and instead welcome it as an obstacle that I am gonna overcome and prove to everyone just how strong we really are, how strong I became after all.
Who knows, maybe while this is going on I can figure out what to really do with my life (even though we spoke about it and  we both want the same thing) and find out things I never knew about myself.
Who knows what the future can bring and what is in store for us!

I’m a bit lost but I’m not alone!

Day Five

February 20, 2011

It’s Sunday, life sucks…especially when you cannot find any kind of “quick solution” and your head insists on trying to explode every 5 seconds, over and over again… my boyfriend has been helping me and together I know we can fix this… Yeah, together we can accomplish anything!

Letters to him | part IX

February 6, 2011

I wrote about pain and suffering for too long, because those were the only feelings I was used to feel.
I dreamt about a future filled with love and happiness, because those were the things I thought I’d never have.
I watched romantic movies and listened to love songs, hoping that I would have something similar to them.
Waiting, hoping and dreaming was all I did all my life.
Crying, cutting, hurting, bleeding were the only actions I knew how to do well.
But as I waited my hope faded.
As I waited my heart became cold and used to the loneliness.
As I waited I started to lose my dreams…
The dreams I had were slowly fading away into the forgetfulness, I fell myself more and more into a hole and started to not care about anything.
But then…
Then you came.
You came into my life as a familiar face, as a friend of a friend that I’d never known.
You seemed shy, but not too much.
You were open, but not too sharing.
You were kind but not too giving.
You were secretive with your actions, but your eyes told me a lot.
You were respectful, but still you gave me what I wanted in the first night.
You held me close, but not too tight.
You kept me away, but within reach of hands.
You studied me, in each word and each move that I’ve done since then.
You got to know me, as I was trying to teach you well.
Anyway, I think we have been doing better and better each time.
Since I only knew pain that was what was familiar to me.
You’re my harbor, my light, my sign of happiness and that kinda scare me sometimes.
I knew that I would give myself to you fully, because I trusted you, even before I’ve met you.
It was crazy I know…
I always knew I would love you, love you till the end.
Because I was read, I was waiting for someone like you during all my existence…
And you just came, with a cute smile on your face, with your sweet words and your warm heart.
I am glad and I just love the way as we accepted each other into our lives,
The way as we missed each other after 5 minutes of being away…
Now we are about to be together again, countdown.
Although you are with me all the time.
Me, the girl who only knew loneliness and pain, the girl who thought that warmth would only come from family and close friends, is now completely crazy in love.
Is now not so scared of being hurt because nothing matters, but you…
Nothing matters but your hands in mine,
Nothing matters but passion that we have, the fun we enjoy in secret, our inside jokes…
Nothing matters but your sweet voice…
Nothing matters but you keeping me warm and safe while I sleep close to you…
Nothing matters but the way you make me feel alive.
Nothing matters but the feelings I have for you!
You are the one who makes me smile, the one that gives me hope every morning,
You are the one that makes me strive, the one that I push myself hard extracting my best.
Isn’t easy all the time, but I try.
You are my reason, my being…
You made this girl smile even though she has deep cuts in her soul…
You taught this girl what means to be loved, what means to be happy…
You taught this girl that life worth living!
Thank you “my babe” for all those things you don’t understand…
I really thank you my one and only.

only you are capable of make me truly happy as I never was before

Letters to him | part VI

December 17, 2010

I will tell you a secret…

I want to stop feeling so alone all the time.
I want to be able to hold your hand every time I want to.
I want to be able to kiss you hello and goodbye, every single day.
I want to lie in my bed with you and listen to everything you have to say.
I want to have you whispering ‘night night my darling, sleep well. I love you’ close to my ears and neck, night after night for as long as we exist.
I want you to put me in bed, I want to fall asleep in peace, with my head in your chest…
I want you to cuddle with me in the winter to make me feel warm and safe.
I want to be able to tell you everything and more.
I want you to tell me everything too and all the time.
I want you to be my best friend.
I want to be your last girlfriend…
And I want us to keep doing well, chasing infinity and beyond.
I want to build castles of dreams with you.
I want to spend more time with you and I want that you want that too.
I want to make you feel special just as you do this to me.
I just need you ‘in quantity’.
I just need to know you want this too.
And as usual I still have so many things to say and no idea how to say them, and the only thing I know is that I love you so…


day and night…

I know but sometimes it’s hard to believe…