Posts Tagged ‘happy new year’

The perks of being a wallflower

January 4, 2013

I can’t wait to read this book… actually right now I can’t wait for a lot of things to happen!
This time I’ve been doing all the right things (which is far beyond of the best I can be) because as I said before, for the first time, I’m optimistic of what is yet to come.
I wish you all a late happy new year.

I don’t know if I will have the time to write anymore letters because I might be too busy trying to participate.
So if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me.
Even if you didn’t know what I was talking about or know someone who has gone through it, you made me not feel alone.
Because I know there are people who say all these things don’t happen.
And there are people who forget what it’s like to be 16 when they turn 17.
I know these will all be stories someday.
And our pictures will become old photographs.
We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad.
But right now these moments are not stories.
This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her.
And she is so beautiful.
I can see it.
This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story.
You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder.
And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world.
And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.

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Retrospective 2012

December 30, 2012

January – The year started with a lot of work to be done. I was emotionally destroyed but dogged to don’t let any of my dreams die. Desperate situations call for desperate measures, so once again I did what I had to do. With no complains I worked my ass off focusing on my targets. Within 4 weeks I was standing back on my feet better than ever and at the top of the world. I rented a nice place to myself and as usual I restarted from the beginning. I was ready for everything except to meet the man that would change my entire life…

February – I enjoyed every second of it. I was happy as I never was. I was settled. The weather was cold but my heart was warmed. Francesco slowly got into my plans taking a special place inside my heart.

March – Things were great and so after pondering a lot I invited Francesco to move in. A week after that I was officially presented to his parents and our weekends were mostly spent at Rasiglio and Bologna. I got used to be loved once again and I’d no secrets to hide, not this time.

April – My sentimental life was perfect and my business was doing awesomely awesome. As nothing comes for free unexpectedly my family needed me back home. So I quit my job and I flew back to my country.  I lost someone very close that I rather not to comment about… Anyways it was time to heal and to reconstruct a few bonds that were loose.

May – I spent my time over there supporting my family, collecting the pieces, going to the gym, seeing old friends and as far as I remember on Skype with Francesco… I missed him and I missed “our nest” very very much.

June – I can’t recall much of what happened and I think it’s best this way… For what I can say I was partying hard what made me lose just not a lot of weigh but also some of my track.

July – My last days at my homeland was as I like to call “normal”. After a while we were all done of each other, they couldn’t wait for me to be gone and so didn’t I. Arguments became the new good morning and it affected me more than I could handled. I was being so unlucky that I found by chance my biological mother on street. I wanted to die and another attempt was marked on my failed score. Right after that, I took the first flight back to Italy without even search for better deals. And it was the best for everyone…

August – Being home was awkward for both of us during the first days. I was what they call “recovering” and everything was weird. My love was very patient with me all along the way and I’m truly grateful for that. The night of the shooting stars (Notte di San Lorenzo) on the 11th was magical… Right after that we planned last minute vacations and it felt like honeymoon! He took me to amazing places and he did everything in his power to that become my best vacations ever. This year I’d an amazing birthday, perfection defines. It was so great that I was happy about being at the beach!

September – Backing to civilization I did my acceptance test to start my third post-graduation and I got 4 of 5 votes. I started a Master course in Cinema at IULM but within weeks I knew that that wasn’t for me. I slowly started becoming depressed again (in fact I think I haven’t recovered well backing in time). Anyways it was a tough month where I couldn’t find a place to be. At home I remember playing housewife a lot, I tried to fill my days by trying to be “perfect”.

October – Francesco and I decided to adopt a kitten. We agreed that it was a good thing for me as I was feeling lonely because of his late hours at the office. Nick lived with us for almost two amazing and very happy weeks till his premature death… I was heartbroken once again… Meanwhile a good friend of mine came to visit me. Michael originally from Great Britain travelled from Berlin to Milan to spend a long weekend with us. For my surprise the boys did great together and it made me very proud of my choice this time. I showed Michael  the city I love in a way I haven’t done yet – We parted and got drank and talked and walked a lot too! He cheered me up and that helped me to see things through. I realised that I like cinema but I do love photography… so I was decided I was going to change University and course!

November – With a delay of one month and a half I convinced the President of the Institute and the Coordinator of the course that I was the type of student that they were looking for! I did my second admission test and once again I was accepted with honours to study Photography & Fine Arts. I was feeling very proud of myself, proud of my abilities, content with life in general! I was about to start studying something that I love in a place that I liked with people that seemed to be just like me – a bunch artists trying to find a place in the sun! I can say that I was finally at the right place.

December – The month started with paramedics at home, and this time it wasn’t my fault but it was due to a spinal block… The MRI accused that I’ve a huge hernia between the L4 and the L5. Awesome to do not say FML! Over ten days in bed, no school, no fun. The selling became my closest friend and I felt bad for my love that had to do everything for the both of us – from shower to cooking. After that with strong meds I started to recovering my moves so slowly I get back to my activities. I went to school, I hang out with colleagues, I was once again having fun. Things at home was settled and Francesco and I survived to another “end of the world” laughing a lot about it. The Christmas week was spent in Bologna and I can comfortably say we were all in family even though I missed my own ones… Once back to Milan good news arrived from Brazil! My little sister told me that next year I’m going to become an auntie of two and this time we are all hoping for a baby girl but if not another baby boy will be more than welcome as well! I’m excited about life and about the future in general. As weird as it sound I know that this time the best is yet to come!

2012