Posts Tagged ‘letters to him’

Letters to him… | part XV

January 10, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012 @23:40:15
What’s going on? I wish I knew…

Dear G.,

It’s been weeks since we had an actual conversation. During this time, we’ve been in different places, doing different things and I think we just keep drifting apart each day, which is not okay. I am also starting to call you by your name and it sounds a bit awkward… Well we never really talked about what’s going on, never quite settled things and also that is not okay! No that is not okay at all!
The other day (and a few days before that day and last week and less than 20 days ago and before that too…) I emailed you, hoping to understand the real situation, make peace and kind of establish a normal contact again…
You, for whatever reason, didn’t replied me back, and to my agony I’m still waiting for it. It was a little disappointing at the beginning, but I’m getting used to it, so now not such a big deal; whether or not we stay in contact so often as before I just wanted you to know that from my side nothing’s changed, nothing at all.

I remember the last time I saw you in person, I remember the last time we spoke on skype… Well, I actually remember everything that happened between us since we met… It’s crazy I know. And I remember in a special way how we cuddled and ended up falling asleep (I particulary miss that).  I remember as well how I loved to prepare dinner for you every night. And now the only thing that I cam remember is how confused you left me when you started to ignore me.

Time has passed since then and things are starting getting cold, kinda different and not that I doubts my feelings but I just don’t know where I stand anymore. Nevertheless I distract myself as much as I can just to don’t lose my nerves and to keep on focused. I’ve been living my own life, being pricked by the petty problems and worries I have, enjoying the good times, and trying hard to be wholly myself.  I bet you too… In ways I will not deny that you’re still tangled up in my thoughts a lot of the time, but it doesn’t have any feelings of longing or sadness or wistful, wishful thinking. It’s just there, not particularly harmful, just a sort of lingering echo that bothers me somedays. Living in confusion is not easy.
I know that on the past we made a great couple, and if circumstances had been different, we would still being not a doubt. In fact I still hoping for us to become again what we once was. But most of me has accepted that our paths have diverged again, that we have our own separate ways to make. I wish not but what else can I do to prove you… I don’t know.

Anyway what I really want to say to you is that I still want us to be something, I just don’t know what exactly. Maybe friends… What I know is that it’s unacceptable  how so many couples break up, then become like strangers to each other after trusting one another so utterly. And it strikes me to don’t know what happened to us… We haven’t break up although we don’t barely talk anymore… How can it be possible?
I hate living somewhere in between. I don’t know how to act and it confuses me to notice that in ways both of us have more or less moved on.  We should be honest and open to each other instead of keep acting as kids. I suppose I loved you, and I presume you loved me too but it’s gone now. I might be about to give up on you but I need to know if you had already gave up on me or if you are just keeping on with my punishment as you said once. Its ridiculous no matter how hurt you are you just can’t keep doing this! It’s not right and its not okay! Grow up! Say something…

I may send you a message in a few weeks or sometime over the next few months till there you won’t hear from me. It seems like a risk, but when I think it through, I don’t really have anything to lose.  Till there good luck with your dreams, and your work and your happiness, and with your life in general.

With true sincerity,

Letters to him… | part XIV

December 27, 2011

Sunday, December 4, 2011 @17:18:01
To: My dear boyfriend.

I miss you every day. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you at least once. The smallest things remind me of you.
I wish there was something I could do to change this situation we’re now.
I wish you could realize that what we have is something and that it’s still worth fighting for.
I don’t quite know if there is any good in all this shit we’ve been through…
(I hope so)
All I know is that I would do anything in my power to get along with our plans.
I won’t give up on “us”.
But I want you to be happy and I also want you to know that if you ever find yourself missing me, I am here and I always will be.
I honestly don’t know what is happening now, but I will always want you.


My heart is yours but from now on I will keep it safe…

Letters to him… | part XIII

December 23, 2011

Dear G.,

We haven’t talked normally in over 7 weeks now.
It’s been a long 7 weeks. I don’t know if it’s because of what’s happening in our separated lives or if it’s because of me losing interest after all…
In the past I would really like to find out the answer, though not this time.
This time I’ll just let you do it on your own…
I can’t chase you forever.
I’ve already shown you that I can give you everything in my power to try and make you happy.
Yet it seemed not to be enough.
So, whenever you’re ready, whenever you feel it’s right, talk to me.
You can choose to tell me what’s wrong, or you don’t have to tell me anything as long as we go back to the way we were before.
I miss you.


Letter to him | part VII

December 18, 2010


I’m waiting
Waiting for happiness,
For freedom…
I’m waiting for ‘hellos’,
And brief ‘goodbyes’
I’m holding waiting for someone,
Waiting for love and be loved,
I’m waiting for fire…
I have been waiting for him since we’ve met.
I love you G. and I miss you so…


I can’t wait to have you back to me…