Posts Tagged ‘me myself and I’

Cutting the bullshit out

December 7, 2011

     A friend of a good friend recently shared her vision of commitment with the following statement: “the committed should be committed.” Indeed and as a matter of fact, we all have got to take care of our individual life. We’ve got to know long term who we really want as a life companion, lover, best friend, soul and house mate… And finally we’ve got to know how we want to be treated, we’ve to have the control of our own life to then find and/or keep around that special person we care about and that in our opinion just fit in a box regardless of what the others say.

         It took me ages to realise what was wrong but one thing is sure, nobody needs to be 100% attached to someone else to be happy. It’s masochism to suffering or causing pain by this insane idea of happiness is a 24/7 love-attention-care. It’s seriously wrong! So once again I’m enjoying and loving myself at first and this is not a sign of selfishness. It’s a strong sign of self-improvement and maturity instead. Above of all I guess it is me backing to my old-self.  Amen!

      Right now I risk to say I find myself into some kind of “healthy devotion relationship” instead of a “needy sticky one”.  Yes I’m still in a relationship, the same one I’ve been in since the beginning of 2010. People might be wondering and even asking around if G.N.B. and I had split up. Nice try but NO! WE DID NOT SPLIT UP! We’re still as a couple, being boyfriend and girlfriend, and of course into an exclusive relationship! The only thing that’s changed is the fact that now we are living our lives without being so paranoid or jealous with each other. So yes, we go out with other people still we are faithful to each other. We don’t speak everyday still we keep sharing our news regularly. So for the record we are fine, TOGETHER and looking forward to our future plans to become true.

        And despite the distance and sporadic pain in the ass this long distance relationship is I stand where I say: be committed is one of the best things in the world if we are committed to ourselves in first place because nobody can really love someone who doesn’t love yourself starting from that. So in the end I learnt that it is totally fine to sometimes take a step back, slow down a bit and miss the other person, realise what’s wrong and work to fix it. It allow us to make the best decisions for the future. And to me G.N.B. is still perfectly fitting in a box!

Waiting sometimes is necessary. I kinda miss you.

…though nothing best than dedicate myself to being the person I’ve always wanted to be, before I forget who I was.


My ‘twenty-something’

June 18, 2010

TWENTY songs that i’m currently addicted to listen:

1– English Summer Rain – Placebo.
2– Try, try, try – Smashing Pumpkins.
3– Information – Dredg.
4– There Is a Light That Never Goes Out – The Smiths.
5– Inevitable – Anberlim.
6– Forever and Ever Amen – The Drums.
7– Lost – Coldplay.
8– Femme Fatale – Emilie Simon.
9– Violet – The Massacre Birthday.
10– All This Time – One Republic.
11– Your Home is Where Your Heart is – The Sounds.
12– Night Time – The Xx.
13– Would You Mind? – The Xx.
14– I do – Placebo.
15– This Modern Love – Bloc Party.
16– The Fear You Won’t Have to Fall – Joshua Radin.
17– Under the Sheets – Ellie Goulding.
18– Catch without arms – Dredg.
19– Champagne Supernova – Oasis.
20 – Walking After You – Foo Fighters.

NINETEEN things that I’m anxious:

1– August.
2– have my own space.
3– visit friends.
4– be 100% self- sufficient.
5– boyfriend.
6– a new job.
7– learn how to cook.
8– be good in English.
9– learn how to ‘read’ him.
10– travel again.
11– try something really new and exciting.
12– make love.
13– listening his voice.
14– lose weight.
15– be the best.
16– learn efficient ways to ‘relax’.
17– get more of ‘real life’.
18– Brazil.
19– new tattoo.

EIGHTEEN random thoughts:

1– i wanna be a rock star
2– damn it!
3– oh no, it’s too late…
4– arrrghhhh tomorrow will be sucks.
5– ok, ok, tomorrow never comes.
6– tired of doing ‘nothing’.
7– should i stay or should i go?!
8– why i’ve writing so many bullshit?
9– i feel great now, although I have a hungover and tired as a hell.
10– ok, almost done.
11– why i should do if you don’t did it before?
12– chocolate now? maybe yes, maybe not or maybe later.
13– ok, calm down wasn’t your fault, never is.
14– Hmmmmm….bah?! Deal, why not!
15– i wish i could go to Starbucks right now to drink a iced caramel macchiato.
16– he is cute, i liked it!
17– where I should go to go for celebrate my birthday…
18– i think i should sleep more, but it’s waste of time!

SEVENTEEN moments that I will never forget:

1- the day i get my university degree.
2- the day i decided to move abroad and start to live my own life.
3- the day when i was abandoned for my ex-husband.
4- the day when i tried to kill myself, for the first time.
5- the day i punched his face.
6- the day when i’ve lost someone.
7- the day when i did my first piercing.
8- the day when i heard ‘I love you’ for the first time.
9- the day when i said ‘I hate you’ looking on his eyes.
10- the day when i meet the ‘new’.
11- the day when i’d my first panic attack.
12- the day when i drove alone on the highway.
13- the day when me and my sister become friends forever.
14- the day when i’ve realized that I’ve a broken heart and a big black hole inside of me.
15- the day when i learned the difference between love and sex.
16- the day when i decided to live just for today.
17- the day that i discovered ‘who’ brought the Christmas presents.

SIXTEEN things I never did:

1– i never was broking up with nobody, but they did.
2– i have never been into a build with more than 25floors.
3– i have never properly meet my biological mom.
4– i have never before killed an animal (insects aren’t animals!).
5– i have never been good with chemical.
6– i have never been in a funeral.
7– i have never kissed the girl i wanted.
8– i have never said all the things i want to.
9– i have never been in USA.
10– i have never read a contract till the end.
11– i have never requested for ‘daddy’s money’ after leave his house.
12– i have never been without use internet for more than 2days since i was 13y.o.
13– i have never felt totally confortable with myself.
14– i have never really knew what to do with my life.
15– since i can remember i never slept well for more than 5h (max).
16– i have been never good enough to face the truth.

FIFTEEN things I most love and I cannot live without:

1– great music.
2– my BlackBerry phone.
3– internet.
4– paper and pen.
5– talk and share ideas.
6– breathe, eat and drink.
7– spend money.
8– Me, Myself and I.
9– travelling.
10– take pictures.
11– make friends.
12– sex and numbers (LOVE & MATH, for me is the same).
13– sunsets.
14– special cares.
15– discover new stuff.

FOURTEEN beautiful names:

1– Ayshila
2– Nicolas
3– Claire
4– Johan
5– Michael
6– Annie
7– Alice
8– Victor
9– Alex
10– Louise
11– Harry
12– Eduardo
13– Charlotte
14– Lucca

THIRTEEN bad habits:

1– i smoke all the time.
2– i drink lots.
3– i think I’m always right.
4– i don’t believe in good intentions.
5– i spending my nights up doing shit.
6– i do not eat as much as i should.
7– i expect for the worse always.
8– i’m selfish but i don’t show it.
9– i take pills and i eat cat food.
10– i make weird noises when I’m sleeping or laughing and I ‘snap’ my fingers all the time.
11– i’m too addicted for internet.
12– i love to spend money.
13– i do not make plans for my future i just live my present.

TWELVE things about me:

1–  i complain more that i should.
2– i’m better at verbal fights than physical.
3– i bruise myself easily, all the time.
4– i have depression i haven’t had suicidal thoughts for a while.
5– i’m scared to drive and I don’t go outside without a good reason to leave off my room.
6– i’m good to tell white lies.
7– i rather to die instead of don’t have any music to listen.
8– i have seen My Girl, Forest Gump and My Life Without Me more than 10times.
9– i became the person i never wanted to be, or that promised myself i’d never be.
10– all my best friends are far away from me now, or should i say ‘im far away from them’?
11– i used to make myself happy at the first, till i started to do that for the others first.
12– i love to be loved and i love british accent!

ELEVEN ways to win my heart:

1– be good in house cleaning and be able to cook.
2– make me laugh.
3– know when to be serious & when to have fun.
4– be good in chatting and love music.
5– understand that everybody needs to have some privacy.
6– to never promise me anything nd always let me know how happy i can make you feel.
7– be interested for geek stuffs and art.
8– go on the most random dates to celebrate.
9– tell me the truth and be able to give in / give up of certain things to be with me.
10– let me be bossy on the bed and outside either.
11– love me for me.

TEN things that cross my mind a lot:

1– music
2– boys.
3– old friends.
4– drinks and ‘yummy’ food.
5– books.
6– why i cannot stop to write everything.
7– sex.
8– taking a trip around the world.
9– how to getting more film for my polaroid camera like this i can take lovely pictures.
10– figure out a way to earn more money and buy me soon as possible a new computer.

NINE things I do before you go to bed:

1– charge my phones and my laptop.
2– turn off the music.
3– set the alarm clock as ‘on’.
4– take a shower.
5– drink a hot tea.
6– choose clothes for the day after.
7– read random pages on my dictionary.
8– have a final last look on ‘what’s new’ at Fb and Twitter (it’s a big lie, i do that during all the time, day and night).
9– thinking of you.

EIGHT things I wish I could say to FIVE different people right now:

1– sorry you have to hear me cry so many times on the phone.
2– hey, i love you! So, could you just come back into my life, right now?
3– you ended up being just like everybody else.
4– thanks for being here with me.
5– i miss you, but i’m ‘ok’ i have friends to make me company and to chat all night long.
6– you’re a asshole.
7– shut up and leave me alone.
8– relax, i know what i’m doing.

SEVEN things I see right now:

1– lots of papers and post-its.
2– books and pens all around.
3– chocolates and aspirins.
4– old old old packs of films.
5– photos on my wall.
6– empty cups of tea.
7– adhesive tape.

SIX things I really dislike:

1- lies.
2- bad excuses.
3- have must to wait for something.
4- be resistant to pain, i wish i could feel physical pain as everybody does.
5- selfishness.
6- rules.

FIVE things I want to do before I die:

1– travelling over than 50 different countries.
2– publish a book.
3– have my own loft and my pet – a cat.
4– take more than 100 really good pictures.
5– get married again.

FOUR things I wish I could never have to see again:

1– my ex’s.
2– my blood on the floor.
3– your face saying bye bye.
4– ghosts.

THREE common wishes:

1– a better and levelheaded world for everybody.
2– no more wars, global crises, or epidemics of any kind or tragedies / disgraces.
3– do the ‘good’ and get the ‘best’.

TWO things that really pissed me off:

1– wait for things that will never happen or want something that i cannot have at the moment.
2– find that everything i believed was a lie.

ONE confession:

1– i’m ‘borderline’, i cannot sleep, i love my scars and i have many secrets.



September 17, 2009

Well my day was perfect, amazing really!
I have had a lot of good surprises today and I feel that is only the begining …
“If I can imagine so I can easily realize!” This is my new quote and I believe on this truely.

I wished have you here babe to share with you all my happiness!
But its ok, I need to understand…that´s complicated now, I made my choice to come back to Milan and I feel no regrets for this!
I´m a very luck person, definitely! And day by day I have more proud of myself.


Babe, next time just holding me tight  (L)

FRAGILE: now I'm on my own