What a lovely song!

January 10, 2012

I barely remember when was the last time I came here to post a video with a song. However this one from tonight grabbed my full attention on its 5 first seconds! Quite not sure if it was because of his voice, because of the lyrics, the piano on the background or his cuteness… The only thing I know is that someway somehow I’m now in love with this song. How did I come up to find it? Well pure luck while flickering on the web… And if it’s “highly recommented” – Oh yeah babe! fucking yeah! Now just playing it again and again and again…

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

I don’t wanna waste the weekend,
If you don’t love me, pretend
A few more hours, then it’s time to go.
And as my train rolls down the East coast,
I wonder how you keep warm.
It’s too late to cry, too broken to move on.

Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep.
Don’t take what you don’t need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.

Misplaced trust and old friends,
Never counting the regrets,
By the grace of God, I do not rest at all.
and New England as the leaves change;
The last excuse that I’ll claim,
I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl.

Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep,
Don’t take what you don’t need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my

Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no
Heaven doesn’t seem far away.
Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore no, no
Heaven doesn’t seem far away.


A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I’m holding you closer than most,
‘Cause you are my heaven.
You are my heaven

Letters to him… | part XV

January 10, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012 @23:40:15
What’s going on? I wish I knew…

Dear G.,

It’s been weeks since we had an actual conversation. During this time, we’ve been in different places, doing different things and I think we just keep drifting apart each day, which is not okay. I am also starting to call you by your name and it sounds a bit awkward… Well we never really talked about what’s going on, never quite settled things and also that is not okay! No that is not okay at all!
The other day (and a few days before that day and last week and less than 20 days ago and before that too…) I emailed you, hoping to understand the real situation, make peace and kind of establish a normal contact again…
You, for whatever reason, didn’t replied me back, and to my agony I’m still waiting for it. It was a little disappointing at the beginning, but I’m getting used to it, so now not such a big deal; whether or not we stay in contact so often as before I just wanted you to know that from my side nothing’s changed, nothing at all.

I remember the last time I saw you in person, I remember the last time we spoke on skype… Well, I actually remember everything that happened between us since we met… It’s crazy I know. And I remember in a special way how we cuddled and ended up falling asleep (I particulary miss that).  I remember as well how I loved to prepare dinner for you every night. And now the only thing that I cam remember is how confused you left me when you started to ignore me.

Time has passed since then and things are starting getting cold, kinda different and not that I doubts my feelings but I just don’t know where I stand anymore. Nevertheless I distract myself as much as I can just to don’t lose my nerves and to keep on focused. I’ve been living my own life, being pricked by the petty problems and worries I have, enjoying the good times, and trying hard to be wholly myself.  I bet you too… In ways I will not deny that you’re still tangled up in my thoughts a lot of the time, but it doesn’t have any feelings of longing or sadness or wistful, wishful thinking. It’s just there, not particularly harmful, just a sort of lingering echo that bothers me somedays. Living in confusion is not easy.
I know that on the past we made a great couple, and if circumstances had been different, we would still being not a doubt. In fact I still hoping for us to become again what we once was. But most of me has accepted that our paths have diverged again, that we have our own separate ways to make. I wish not but what else can I do to prove you… I don’t know.

Anyway what I really want to say to you is that I still want us to be something, I just don’t know what exactly. Maybe friends… What I know is that it’s unacceptable  how so many couples break up, then become like strangers to each other after trusting one another so utterly. And it strikes me to don’t know what happened to us… We haven’t break up although we don’t barely talk anymore… How can it be possible?
I hate living somewhere in between. I don’t know how to act and it confuses me to notice that in ways both of us have more or less moved on.  We should be honest and open to each other instead of keep acting as kids. I suppose I loved you, and I presume you loved me too but it’s gone now. I might be about to give up on you but I need to know if you had already gave up on me or if you are just keeping on with my punishment as you said once. Its ridiculous no matter how hurt you are you just can’t keep doing this! It’s not right and its not okay! Grow up! Say something…

I may send you a message in a few weeks or sometime over the next few months till there you won’t hear from me. It seems like a risk, but when I think it through, I don’t really have anything to lose.  Till there good luck with your dreams, and your work and your happiness, and with your life in general.

With true sincerity,

Letters to Myself | part II

January 5, 2012

Dear future me,
I hope you are smiling and thinking actually how lucky you are to have the people around you that you do.
You are beautiful, sexy, remarkably smart and are able to get everything you deserve and want with or without any “fantastic guy who you love more than anything in life”.
Don’t bother, people sometimes act in a way which they will eventually regred for the rest of their lives.
Preserve yourself, don’t put all your faith in others.
You are awesomely goooorgeous, you are doing great and getting stronger every day.
So believe me when I say that you are allowed to be happy… and you shouldn’t feel any guilty about it!
Don’t let anyone to put you down.
Chin up girl!

p.s: If people want to step out of your life, be gentle and hold the door open for them.

the old you

I’m now in charge of our heart.

Walking away…

January 3, 2012

His mind was racing.
He wondered if she knew, how much he loved her and how sorry he was.
He could only think of how hard they’d worked to get to where they were.
He wished it was different.
She smiled, kissed his lips and said, “I know, me too.”
And left.


The last year in numbers

January 1, 2012

The WordPress.com stats prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,600 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

2012: We’re almost there!

December 31, 2011



Years always come and go, and this time I specially wish you a double dose of whatever you’ve wished for me!


+365 days to go…


Letters to them… | part IV

December 30, 2011

Friday, still December 2011 @03:25:11
To: my dearest ex-ex-ex-boyfriend also now ex-friend Diego.

I am sorry things between us did not work out how either of us would have preferred.
I know breaking ties is difficult, at least for me, but there are some differences that over time cannot be worked through, and some choices that cannot be taken back.
I am sorry that I cannot be the kind of friend you were expecting me to become.
I am sorry for the harsh words I sent you last night via IM.
I am truly sorry if I was always a way too practical with you.
And I am sorry for the shortest “goodbye” I’ve ever said…
We’ve tried too hard keep being friends and you should know that I’m glad it worked almost perfectly for many years.
But things are too different now…
It’s pointless to insist. I’m changed, and that is why I’m placing myself out of your life.
I can’t afford certain things and keep chasing people is something I’m determinate to stop doing.
So sorry to start with you though…
Perhaps in the future we might have our paths crossed once again, who knows but now I want you to realise that it’s going to be for the better.
Nevertheless, I’m thankful for everything since the day I met you on the Universaty Lab earlier 2003 but mainly I am thankful for the things you taught me along these years.
You taught me (and it seems finally to be learned) that I should follow my mind and not follow what I simply feel for others.
You taught me that trust is not something to throw around.
You taught me to be reserved.
You taught me that I should not try to forge or save relationships of any kind.
And the most important thing you have taught me was that bottling up emotions is the safest route.
Well, if you ever come across this letter, I am uncertain that you will but if you do, please accept my apologies.
I hope you live a great life, I hope you fight your demons and find all the happiness you deserve.

Penguin, the only ex-girlfriend that you’ve had.

7 years later

December 29, 2011

And it will be forever until the end of yesterday.
Thank you for such wonderful time!

too much to enjoy, so little time…

Twenty secrets I’m willing to share

December 27, 2011

– I’m bisexual, yes I like being with boys and girls equally.
– I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I’m fine with that.
– I do drugs (sporadically) and my family knows that.
– I lie a lot and I’m pretty damn good at.
– Sometimes I purge/starve myself because the idea of getting fat freaks me out.
– I enjoy good porn.
– I often talk with strangers about everything and nothing.
– I’m fearless, I do EPIC SHIT and I feel proud most of time.
– Make up sex is awesome!
– It usually takes me ages to hate somebody but once it’s done it’s like FOREVER.
– I do shortcuts in life and I normally do not rationalise the consequences.
– I copy others as it please me.
– Sometimes I forget of having shower.
– I’m a bit stingy.
– I’m constantly planning revenge.
– I’m a over thinker and overreact to basically everything.
– I always forget names but not faces.
– I enjoy being in pain, it makes me feel alive.
– I’m addicted to internet and my favourite sport is arguing.
– I don’t believe in God but I accept the existence of Devil.



img via Tumblr

Letters to him… | part XIV

December 27, 2011

Sunday, December 4, 2011 @17:18:01
To: My dear boyfriend.

I miss you every day. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you at least once. The smallest things remind me of you.
I wish there was something I could do to change this situation we’re now.
I wish you could realize that what we have is something and that it’s still worth fighting for.
I don’t quite know if there is any good in all this shit we’ve been through…
(I hope so)
All I know is that I would do anything in my power to get along with our plans.
I won’t give up on “us”.
But I want you to be happy and I also want you to know that if you ever find yourself missing me, I am here and I always will be.
I honestly don’t know what is happening now, but I will always want you.


My heart is yours but from now on I will keep it safe…

Christmass Morning…

December 25, 2011

he lost her….
without knowing
that in those times of his reluctance
she’s waiting…
he lost her…
without knowing
that while he’s hiding his smiles,
her heart cries…
he lost her…
without knowing
that when he chose to be silent
her whole world dies…


December 24, 2011

To a joyful present and a well remembered past…
Best wishes for Happy Holidays.




December 23, 2011

somewhere between “already too far to give up” though “too tired to carry on”

I dream the dream of you

Letters to him… | part XIII

December 23, 2011

Dear G.,

We haven’t talked normally in over 7 weeks now.
It’s been a long 7 weeks. I don’t know if it’s because of what’s happening in our separated lives or if it’s because of me losing interest after all…
In the past I would really like to find out the answer, though not this time.
This time I’ll just let you do it on your own…
I can’t chase you forever.
I’ve already shown you that I can give you everything in my power to try and make you happy.
Yet it seemed not to be enough.
So, whenever you’re ready, whenever you feel it’s right, talk to me.
You can choose to tell me what’s wrong, or you don’t have to tell me anything as long as we go back to the way we were before.
I miss you.


Letters I’ll never send | See you soon

December 23, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011
To: the best boyfriend at the time (and not that ‘best’ after all)

G.N.B., you are annoying, stubborn, self righteous, self pitying, infuriating, extremely jealous, complicated, sometimes too girly and an utter pain in my ass, but I love you.
I love the way you smile; the way you rub your hand through your hair when you’re nervous; the way you tell me stories with utter excitement; the way you laugh; the way you get angry; the way you speak; the way you slightly walk like a duck when you wear shorts and flip flops; the way you would do that thing with your face when I say something ridiculous or while explaining me that word I didn’t knew.
I love your kindness, your strength, your dedication and even your “I just don’t care.”
I love that you make me laugh so hard I cry.
I love the way you look at me and say “You’re gooooorgeous.”
I love the way we sit in each others company in content silence for hours.
I love our walks along the canal during the weekends.
I love that you keep the stupid things I give to you.
I love that you don’t know how perfect you are.
I love that you cover me with a blanket when I’m sleeping.
I love the sounds you make over the night.
I love that no matter how much time we spend apart and whomever we see in-between, everything always falls perfectly back in place.
I love that I know you are in my future.
I love that I love you.
But mostly I love that when I leave and am a thousand miles away from you that you never said goodbye… only “see you soon”.